The Christmas holiday season is already upon us. And with it comes the hope that this one will be magical especially after the year that we have had!

Many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns.

• Wanting to balance time between work, rest and play.
• Feeling that I am too busy, too tired, that there is too much preparation.
• Deciding on what presents to buy for my loved ones.
• Spending money that feels tight and wanting to be more generous than I am.
• Eating and drinking too much at Christmas and New Year’s and putting on extra weight.
  

Get Clear and Choose Differently 

Give yourself a moment to become really clear on what it is that stresses you about this holiday season. There is so much more peace in awareness because then you can choose to do something different.

Here are 9 ways to turn that dynamic around and create the magic.

• 1. Give yourself a break. Perfection—even perfect happiness—just isn’t possible. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money—and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts.
• 2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don’t have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others’ desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first.
• 3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off.
• 4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier. If you can’t avoid certain events, limit the time you’re there.
• 5. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Schedule time for relaxation and fun.
• 6. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now. I think I missed this one this year!!! 
• 7. Ask for help. Reject any notion of martyrdom. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.
• 8. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you’ve never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise
• 9. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

Call me on +61 409 1715 77

Email me: [email protected]

And have an Extraordinary Christmas Holiday Season.

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Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and her work.

From ‘eating their young’ to stepping up as leaders who nurture.
12 Ways to Lead by Example

As a registered nurse for over 30 years and working in many different hospitals and organisations, I have met hundreds and hundreds of health professionals that make up this huge workforce.

Throughout my long career, there’s been a saying that represents a culture in nursing that is sad, disappointing and needs to change.

It is this metaphor, that ‘nurses eat their young’ or ‘nurse cannibalism’, a term recently coined by Emma Versluis and Tracy Churchill. That’s pretty confronting hey?

To hear more about this I recommend The Happy Nurse Podcast

Not just a problem in nursing

According to Renee Thompson an expert on incivility in nursing, this is not just a problem in nursing but in many occupations including medicine, the police force and teaching.

I experienced this myself

In my career, I have experienced this attitude of nurse cannibalism and witnessed it occurring to others. And I still hear many troubling accounts from junior and novice nurses.

Although junior nurses are the most often targeted, experienced nurses, do come up against this too. This may occur when they take on a new role in a different speciality, for instance moving from orthopaedics into the operating theatre or coming from another hospital or organisation.

Not ok to not speak up

What has come to light through Black Lives Matter is that it is no longer ok to not speak up when things are not right.

That’s because being present and witnessing something not right and not objecting to it, is equal to condoning the wrongful behaviour. Now I don’t think it’s easy to do but it is important.

Although we worry about what to say and we are scared of being criticised people will criticise you anyway so it’s better to speak up and speak your truth.

We must lead by example 

To make these needed changes in our workplaces, we need to lead by example. It’s not enough to rely on others to do it first and don’t fall into the trap of following along with the cultural ‘norm’ of the workplace.

Be the first, and be proud of how you conduct yourself. This can be as simple as being the one who seeks out another’s eyes and smiles genuinely, is inclusive, asks what you can do to help, and says thank you. 

We are leaders even if it is not fully recognised or owned yet. If we don’t like the way things are then be the change that we want to see.

So how can you be a good leader?

Good leaders must lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership.

Here are just a few of the ways that we can lead by example

1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members /colleagues on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.
   
   
2. Be truthful/vulnerable. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.
   
   
3. Be courageous. Walkthrough fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate a commitment to a larger purpose.
   
   
4. Portray confidence. When you are confident in yourself and believe in your team /colleagues, confidence is instilled in others.
   
   
5. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.
   
   
6. Be persistent. Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.
   
   
7. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead, be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team or colleagues for more.
   
   
8. Listen with empathy. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.
   
   
9. Delegate liberally. Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.
   
   
10. Take care of yourself. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it!
    
    
11. Celebrate every step of progress. It is important to celebrate all steps of progress and success. Some people feel as though their work is never recognised or valued, they are only spoken to when there is a complaint. We all work better with encouragement rather than criticism.
    
    
12. Be appreciative, give thanks everywhere. People love to be thanked for a job well done, for their effort and commitment. A simple thanks goes a very long way.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Toolkit.  

None of us wants to be needy. It’s unattractive, and we can find really needy people annoying, pathetic and attention-seeking.

Being needy is one of the traits in our humanness that we avoid or deny profusely.

We pride ourselves in being strong, capable and independent. 

You know what I mean, don’t you? We don’t ask for help; we pride ourselves in being strong, capable and independent.

Do you agree that it is important not to have to depend on anyone?

After all, if you want something done a certain way, it’s easier to do it yourself than to ask someone.

Would you rather work and be responsible for everything – even to the point of overwhelm, exhaustion and failure-than to ask for help?

Of course, we don’t want this, but for many of us, it’s so much easier to do it this way than to tune into what we need and ask for it. 

There is a benefit too

Although there is a cost to doing it all yourself, the add-on benefit protects you from being upset, disappointed or angry. You do not have to nag someone else or be stuck if they don’t do what you want.

And, when we do it yourself, it gets done the way you want it done. And if there is any problem you cannot blame anyone else but you.

Being independent and not asking for help is so common. It can be a challenge to break free from because we learned this at a very young age. We learned it often as a necessary protection.

You see, it’s like we have taken a vow (subconsciously) to:
   never be weak,
   never depend on anyone,
   never want anything that you can’t give yourself,
   never share what you would really like or
   never tune into or feel deeply what you do want for you.

And, there is another downside that you may not be aware of. 

When you decide that you don’t need anything from anyone else you block yourself from asking and receiving.

Therefore, you are not open to it; you don’t even see it when offered, so you can’t receive it.

Secretly we do want more support

The funny thing is that secretly we do want more support, more help, more ease, more acknowledgement and more money.

How often have you given others what they need (even when they don’t ask) and you hope or believe that they will do that for you?

And, how disappointed and hurt are you when you don’t get it? Perhaps your birthday was overlooked, or you are never asked if you would like a cup of coffee or tea made for you?

Allowing Yourself To Ask For More

1. Know that you are not alone.

We all have needs/wants and desires. It’s just that we deny them and soldier on.
We all have a needy part inside us that wants to be seen and acknowledged. Let it feel seen and honoured for the truest feelings.

2. Tune in to you and question

‘What do I find pleasurable? What do I love doing? What would I love someone…my partner, child, friend, colleague to do for me? What do I need from my boss? How would I feel more supported, loved, appreciated, acknowledged? What would that look like? What have I been afraid to admit?’

This deeper reflection may be new for you, but it does get easier once you start enquiring because you are now curious and open.

Be the detective; you can use a journal, daydream, confide in those you trust, your girlfriends or others you can feel safe with. You can own and acknowledge it for each other. Being honest like this is incredibly freeing.

3. Start asking for what you want

What do you need help with? Would like to receive more of? Start asking for what you truly want from those around you. Start with small things and from people you feel more comfortable with. Build up to asking for much bigger things or things that make you feel vulnerable. 

Understand that people can’t magically intuit what you want or need and often are perplexed by what support they could give you or what gift you would adore.

Let them know. Let them know how much you would love it and what it means to you.

4. Get support

Get support for yourself. There are various modalities, such as tapping or meditation and mindfulness to access the deeper feelings you have. Feelings that you have been denying. They will help you gain the confidence to speak the truth about what you really want, those things you have been limiting yourself.

This was true for me. After doing some of the deep work from the Tapping into Wealth Program, I cleared the vows that blocked me. I accessed parts in me that desire praise and acknowledgement to know that I am loved and cherished for who I am.

Once I understood this, I was able to share this insight with my partner. I told him that I had learned something new about myself, and although I was scared of how he would respond, I felt more courageous and did it anyway.

His response was to hug me, and he said, “Ok, I will do this for you. But, you might have to remind me sometimes!”

I still do have to remind him sometimes, but the truth is I can ask for it and at the same time own and love that part inside me that needs this support and encouragement.

5. Acknowledge and give thanks

to those who respond to your requests and see what they deeply need too. When we give from a place that feels full, because we have our own needs met, we realise the gift that is in the giving.

We all need support.

As a woman, a mother, a coach and a nurse, I see this all too common. I know that it can be difficult to clear this deep subconscious programming as these vows have been with you since childhood. We all need support now and again.

If you would like more support with this, then I would love to offer you my FREE Personal Leadership Breakthrough Session

During this private one to one consultation, you sit down with me, over zoom…

• We will look at one of the areas in your life where you are really overgiving, and I’ll help you make a new agreement with yourself to start setting healthy boundaries.
• Calls are recorded on Zoom because you’ll gain aha’s and will want
  to listen again.
• This session is valuable, worth $200.
  It is yours FREE and with no obligation. 
• Feel heard, understood, clearer and more confident
• Together we can find out if it is a fit to work together.

BOOK YOUR FREE SESSION HERE 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and Love Your Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren 

At this turning point in history, knowing deeply that we are all connected, ONE, allows us to relate more deeply and sense the connection with all hearts (all people, all creatures and Mother Earth).

For most of us, we know we are all part of something larger, part of the whole.

As Robert Smalley writes, “we are all in the oneness of God even though we don’t fully understand or know this. We are like the drops of water in the ocean and the ocean is God.”

Connectedness is the feeling of belonging, it is valuable and feels wonderful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, feeling connected comes with certain responsibilities.

If we are all part of a bigger picture then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves, we must not exploit others because we will be exploiting ourselves, we must not disrespect others because we will be disrespecting ourselves…

Knowing that I am connected makes me more considerate, caring, kind and loving and helps me to form quick deep connections and interactions with the people I’m with.

Applying this in your life will help you master the art of connection.

So what else is helpful?

The gift of paying attention is a fundamental key in transforming relationships.

Relationships can be turned around when the connection and interest in the other are truly sought after and valued.

The gift of paying attention to another is a gift for you too. And when you are the one receiving, you do truly understand its power.

One of the skills that is needed for connection is listening.

Learning to really listen is an active skill that takes awareness, practice and a desire to attend.

Top 10 Barriers to Connection

Connection takes effort, there are things to do and things not to do (that many of us do).

Here are the top 10 barriers that impact the connection in all of our relationships, whether they be intimate, family, friends, colleagues, bosses or acquaintances…and whether they are in agreement or in conflict.

A good example of this is when someone comes to us with a problem, it’s easy to lapse into behaviours that—although usually well-meaning—serve to block us from hearing the other person’s experience.

We’d be better off following the words of this back-the-front saying: “Don’t just do something; stand there”…and try not to:

1. Counsel. Seek not to advise solutions (until asked) but listen and reflect back the person’s experience.

2. Defend. When you explain, justify or rationalize, you invalidate the other’s experience. You can create a time to offer your experience, but for now, just listen. 

3. Shut down. This happens in parenting when we say things like: “Stop crying. It’s not that bad.” Children are more likely to stop crying and will feel supported when they feel they’ve been heard.

4. One-up. Saying, “Oh, that’s nothing! Listen to what happened to me!” gives the message, “Your experience doesn’t count.”

5. Reassure. It’s OK, in fact it’s good for people to feel their feelings. When we try to console (“It’s not your fault; you did the best you could…”) we take people out of their feelings.

6. Pity. Sympathy and pity (“Oh, you poor thing!”) are very different from empathy, which is simply a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

7. Commiserate. Sharing stories of your own similar experiences is not showing empathy; it turns the focus away from the person with the problem.

8. Correct. First listen. After the other person feels fully understood, then see about correcting any misunderstandings or inaccurate impressions.

9. Enlighten. Don’t attempt to educate unless your opinion is asked.

10. Interrogate. Too many questions distract from the feelings at hand.

Many of us have a mind that measures self-worth in terms of productivity…
We give ourselves no credit for just being present. And yet, if you asked the people you care about what they would like most from you, their answer is likely to be some version of ‘your presence,’ ‘your loving attention’.

—Jan Chozen Bays

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field.

Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed because you do deserve more. More wealth, love, authentic self-expression. You deserve to ‘Love Your Extraordinary Life.’

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