Author: Lauren Bell

When you think about people who love giving, who are perhaps over givers, who do you think about? Mums? Nurses? Teachers? Someone you know? What about you? Do you over give too?

IS IT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST?

WHY DO WE STRUGGLE TO PUT OUR SELF CARE NEEDS AS A PRIORITY? 

We have been taught by our families, by society,  to put the needs of everyone else before our own.

That it is selfish to put your own needs first. 

But, I have found that we have it back the front. 

We subconsciously believe that putting our needs first sends a message that wellbeing is our ONLY priority. 

So really it must start with me. I must put my needs and wellbeing first so that I can give from a full tank, not an empty tank.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END OF CARE GIVEN BY SOMEONE THAT CAME WITH RESENTMENT, FRUSTRATION, EXHAUSTION? 

It doesn’t feel good, does it? 

I have received care like that and I have also been the one giving it. It never feels good.

If you are giving yourself away everywhere you need to find a way to make you first.

Are you taking care of everyone else or caretaking? There is a difference. Taking care is with boundaries and healthy whereas caretaking is unhealthy and can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

Today, May 12th, 2020 is International Nurses Day, celebrating 200 years since the birth of Florence Nightingale and nursing as a profession.

And the World Health Organisation (WHO) has appointed 2020 as the International Year of the Nurse and Midwife.

The theme is Nurses: A Voice To Lead – Nursing the World to Health.

And yet, nursing and the health industry is facing a crisis because caring for others is overwhelming and demanding.

Burnout rates for all industries have risen significantly in the last decade.  Physicians, nurses and other health professionals are among those who are most affected by burnout. With rates, somewhere between 40-60% even cited up to 78% in some recent publications. And it is rising.

High levels of stress can lead to conflicts and workplaces can feel unsupportive, even hostile, leading to high rates of staff turnover and many health professionals intending to or leaving the industry. 

And this was before the impact of COVID-19 😯

In 2019 the World Health Organisation identified burnout as a workplace phenomenon and added it to the International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision (ICD-11) not because it is a disease but because it is a major reason why people seek help from their doctors. 

Burnout is costing billions of dollars in lost productivity each year and impacts the health and wellbeing of each individual and those people who are in their care. 

Or more simply put, if you feel exhausted, start to hate your job, and begin to feel less capable at work, you are showing signs of burnout.

The truth is having a high-stress job doesn’t necessarily lead to burn out if it is managed well. But there are certain occupations and certain personality characteristics such as perfectionism and pessimism that predispose a person to burnout. 

As a Registered Nurse for over 30 years I’ve been through the heartache and shame of burnout feeling unappreciated, isolated, unfulfilled and resentful. I was questioning what is the point? 

Burnout my experience
Through my experience of burnout and my recovery, I discovered aspects about me that led me to burnout. At the time, I didn’t know I was in burnout until I was through it and could look back on that time of my life.

At the time, I didn’t know I was in burnout until I was through it and could look back on that time of my life.

As a sensitive, empathic, person I see and feel people’s pain and their wounding and am compelled to make them feel better. I was over responsible for everyone else and under responsible for myself.  

I am an idealistic, spiritual and love holistic health and hold an optimistic view of the world and of people. Classic rose-coloured glasses! Yet I barely shared this side of myself at work, believing that western medicine and holistic health/spirituality could not go together. I lived with my feet in two camps. 

Around 12 years ago as a single mother, I returned to full-time nursing. My three sons were only 8,10 and 12 years old. I was juggling a new job, a new relationship, and studying.

It was a lot.

Then I took on a role with even more responsibilities. 

But I didn’t even stop to think about that, I just kept adding more to my plate. And with my high ideals, I was imagining the difference I could make in the work I was doing. 

It became apparent that I could not achieve what I wanted, I was not able to please my managers or myself, I became more and more disheartened, demotivated, burdened and cynical.

I didn’t share my struggles, I didn’t speak up or reach out for help, instead, I complained and I withdrew and became more and more isolated. 

Not in touch with my feelings, stressed, I took it out on my family. The littlest thing such as the boys leaving their dishes on the sink was enough to have me yelling. 

I was doing so much and doing none of it well. I felt unworthy and not good enough.

The Turning Point 
I was in the doctor’s office, he was behind his desk, he was being so kind, compassionate and listening to me, looking right into me, seeing me. As I sat there red-faced with tears streaming down my face, I couldn’t speak, I felt so ashamed, embarrassed, my heart was breaking 💔 

Then it dawned on me… I was doing this to myself. 

I was not listening to what I wanted or needed, I was soldiering on, even though I was desperately unhappy.

I realised right then and there that if I don’t do what I need to do to care for me then I am self-neglecting, self-sacrificing and even self-abusing.

I could make a choice,
I could do this for me 

To put myself first, my heart, my peace, my happiness, my health was foremost. Because without it who was I?

 

I could make a choice,

I could do this for me 

 5 KEYS TO SOARING FREE 

KEY 1. HONESTY
Drop into your heart ❤️

Drop into your heart ❤️

 The mind doesn’t have answers

The heart ❤️  doesn’t have questions

DR Sean stephenson

  

I took time out for me and listened to my heart 

What do I want? What do I love doing? Who do I love being? 

I did know what I needed. I do have the answers inside me. 

I had been living a lie, denying myself, my heart and soul wanted to express my love for holistic wellbeing, to embrace my spirituality, I had to stop censoring myself. 

I could no longer pretend with my 2 feet in 2 camps, I had to be real, authentic, to show myself, to be myself, to be proud of myself. 

I shared this with my family, my work, my friends and even though I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable, I soon discovered there is freedom in being vulnerable. 

KEY 2. RESPONSIBILITY
Take responsibility for you, not for everybody else 

Working with my mentor helped me to take responsibility, to move to a place of empowerment instead of being a victim tossed like a pinball in the pinball game of life. 

I could see that I had been caretaking not taking care. 

KEY 3. BOUNDARIES
Know yours and honour them 

And commit to them. You get to teach others how to treat you when you have boundaries. 

KEY 4. BELIEFS
Can be changed, make them empowering 

I looked at my beliefs and recognised many erroneous beliefs that weren’t serving me. I chose to believe in me. 

 

 

 

KEY 5. KNOWLEDGE
Learn tools to support you.

Mindfulness and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping helped me to feel my feelings and to express my truth. Feeling is healing and it enabled to me develop self compassion, acceptance and self love, to know my own value and deservingness.

This started everything flowing into my life 

Now think about your life, where you are not listening to you?
Where are you needing to do something for yourself?
Where are you putting everyone else ahead of you? 

WHAT I WANT FOR YOU…
is for you to know what you need to take care of you.  At home, in your workplace, in your career, in your relationships? So that you too can feel happy, on purpose, fulfilled to the brim and overflowing.

As a Nurse with A Voice To Lead – Nursing the World to Health and as a coach I know it is time for you to address your self-care in an empowered way. Gain emotional mastery and take responsibility for your own professional and personal wellbeing.

It Starts With Me!
Burn Bright Don’t Burnout

So how well are you doing?

If you are giving yourself away everywhere you need to find a way to make you first. 

Take my special quiz Are you Taking Care or Caretaking? FREE Quiz to assess right now how you are doing with this. 

Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary Are you Taking Care or Caretaking? FREE Quiz 

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.” Katie Reed

It Starts With Me!  Burn Bright don’t Burnout.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Toolkit.  

Fitting In Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

Fitting in isn’t all it was cracked up to be back in primary school. When we were young, we learned to limit ourselves, play small, hide behind masks, all so we could please others and avoid conflict.

Then fast forward, we’re all grown up, and we’re still unconsciously following someone else’s rules (from family and the society). Mostly we don’t even question it until it becomes too hard, too uncomfortable or deeply painful to continue pretending as if all is OK.

If you notice yourself going along with what others are saying or doing, or asking you to do, whether you agree with it or not, just to keep the peace, here are some steps you can take to win back your power.

Step 1: Notice that you are sacrificing yourself to keep the peace or not rock the boat. Take a bit of time to journal about what’s going on, what are the habitual thoughts that keep influencing you, and how you really feel about it. You don’t have to show it to anyone, this is really for you to become more conscious.

Step 2: Clear the emotional charge around the issue. One way is to just allow yourself to feel. Sometimes this can seem really hard but it’s actually the fastest way to clear it. Many times I’ve noticed things clearing astonishingly fast just by allowing the emotions to be. I also have found EFT (Tapping) to be extremely helpful for this, and it is my method of choice to use with my clients.

Step 3: Decide. There comes a time when you have to decide that you are worthy, that what you say and think and feel has value. Making this decision becomes the foundation for the future steps you will take in the direction of your own empowerment. Once again, I use tapping to bring forward the strength, power and confidence my clients need to move forward.

Step 4: Get help. As a therapist, I have seen it all, and as a woman, I have been there too. What I know is that this world can be a difficult place, and we all need support now and again.

I would love to offer you my No Apologies, You Get To Be You Consultation

During this consultation, you’ll gain

• Clarity on where you want to go, be or do.
• Understand your biggest obstacles that
  are stopping you from achieving your dreams.
• Map out exactly what you should focus on to
  move forward.
• Receive my best recommendations for your
  Extraordinary Life Strategy and the next
  steps you should take.
• My honest evaluation of what you can achieve
  once you get clear and take action.
• Calls are recorded via phone or Zoom video
  conferencing. You’ll gain aha’s and will want
  to listen again.
• This session is valuable, worth $200.
  It is yours free and with no obligation. 
• Feel heard, understood and clearer. 

BOOK YOUR FREE SESSION HERE 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

I wish you prosperity in all of your life; in love, joy, health, freedom, money, success, beauty, fun, whatever you are dreaming of.

So 2018 has come and gone, my how quickly time flies.

I love this time of the year to stop, reflect, not do too much, to withdraw from electronics, read a novel, nap, do whatever feels right in my mind and body.

The Christmas holidays whether I am away on vacation or just enjoying time at home is the only time of the year that I actually allow myself to stop and rest and have no plans at all.

Each day during my morning ritual I will see what is my inspired action for the day is and will set that as my intention. At this time of the year, it may be read a novel by the pool for at least 1 hour maybe even 4!

And in fact, this year I did that. I read for longer and have finished my book. I loved it, not the book (it was an average read). I loved the time and space and freedom that I allowed myself.

You see even though I am a big promoter of taking responsibility for self-care, I have recognised that most of my self-care is actions, things I do, such as walking Ruby through the local nature reserve, receiving a facial, a pedicure or a back massage. I am naturally a doer, always taking action so for me the real test, and rest is to stop and just be.

The truth is I do find it hard to stop and rest.

I have become conscious of my inner critical voice that is constantly nagging, always harping, and never satisfied. This voice when I rest doesn’t feel comfortable. I may get 15 minutes if I’m lucky, but before I’ve really settled into this me time, I’m reminded of all the things I need to do. And then so easily, my inner critical voice wins, I give up and go back to doing again.

The problem with this though is I never get the rest and time out that I am craving.

Eventually, because I haven’t nurtured myself in the way I truly need I find myself waking through the night or in the early morning in a state of overwhelm and stress, not with the refreshed and ready to go feeling that I should have after a good nights sleep.

This puts me into a state of I can’t be bothered, exhausted, listless, and I ask myself, “Why am I pushing so hard? Why bother?” It feels uncomfortable, I am in victim mode, poor me, powerless and complaining.

I use myriad of things that helps me move through this state, but mostly it is about honouring how I feel, accepting how I feel and loving myself deeply and completely anyway…more about that later.

The point I am making here is the need to actually stop and rest and be in the feminine, receiving mode, just being and appreciating just because I deserve it; I need it.

I need it regularly, more often, the balance to my doing, doer, masculine energy.

And, the truth is I’ll get more done, I’ll achieve more because my cup is filled, I’m in balance, happier and more energetic.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because they don’t work.

I do visualise and dream up my desires and how I want to feel and I create my More Of’s list. More of’s are all the things, feelings, experiences you would love more of in your life.

So my first More Of for 2019 is to have more being time, no pressure, nothing to do, just be, maybe journalling, maybe meditating, maybe sitting in the sun, maybe smelling and loving the flowers, maybe watching the sunrise or sunset, or maybe sitting with my back against a big, beautiful tree.

It sounds heavenly.

What is your first More Of that you’d love to welcome into your 2019? Please share in the comments below.

^{Beautiful Big Gum Bendigo Botanical Gardens}

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

 

The Christmas holiday season is already upon us. And with it comes the hope that this one will be truly magical.

Although Christmas is a time for love and connection with family and friends, singing carols and connecting deeply spiritually, celebrating this year’s achievements and objectively reviewing how the year panned out, I find it sneaks up on me.

Many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns.

This morning I decided to do something different, to honestly identify the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that I have leading up to Christmas. This is so that I can choose to do something different this year.

These are just a few examples of ‘worries’ that I uncovered:

• The hassle of finding and putting up the decorations and decluttering the house to fit them in.
• Eating too much at Christmas and New Year’s and putting on extra weight.
• Spending money that feels tight and wanting to be more generous than I am.
• Deciding on what presents to buy for my loved ones.
• Feeling that I am too busy, too tired, that there is too much preparation.

Do you relate to these? Do you have other ones too?

Give yourself a moment to become really clear on what it is that stresses you about this holiday season. There is so much more peace in awareness because then you can choose to do something different.

Here are 10 ways to turn that dynamic around and create the magic.

• 1. Give yourself a break. Perfection—even perfect happiness—just isn’t possible. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money—and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts.
• 2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don’t have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others’ desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first.
• 3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off.
• 4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier. If you can’t avoid certain events, limit the time you’re there.
• 5. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Schedule time for relaxation and fun.
• 6. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now.
• 7. Ask for help. Reject any notion of martyrdom. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.
• 8. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you’ve never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise.
• 9. Do your own Personal Peace Procedure.
  Here’s a quick overview of how to do your own Personal Peace Procedure
  • Identify your limiting beliefs, things that have happened that you wish had not happened, worries about things that might or might not happen. Write them all down, one idea per line, on your personal peace list.
  • Rate them out of ten on the stress scale, 0 being no stress and 10 being maximum stress.
  • Each day tap on one item on your list (the highest rating on the stress scale). Rate it again now that you are about to tap on it, and keep tapping and assessing until you can get your stress level down to at least 2.
  • Notice any ah ha’s or insights that arise from your tapping and journal those in your peace procedure journal.
  • You will find that after tapping for a few days the overall stress level for many of the other identified beliefs or memories will have come down too. Keep choosing an item to tap the stress down and you will enjoy an improved level of peace and acceptance that carries over into other parts of your life.
• 10. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

Call me on +61 409 1715 77

Email me: [email protected]

CONTACT ME TO REQUEST YOUR SESSION HERE

And have an Extraordinary Christmas Holiday Season.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

Seeing The Silver Lining during Difficult Times Leads to Profound Growth

 

How often do we see the gift and blessings that come out of difficult times?

The proverb, “Every cloud has a silver lining,” can be traced back to at least the early 17th Century. It reminds us that difficult times do pass and that there is something positive to be found in negative situations.

 

Life can be so challenging. When we are in the midst of tough times, it is easy to be engulfed by the feelings it evokes and the often negative meanings we ascribe to it.

 

And although we do know that things will pass with time, it is important to feel and experience the depth of what we are going through. Otherwise, we are just band-aiding the pain that needs to be healed and it will continue to rise up until we do finally deal with it.

 

Looking back at some of the most difficult times in my life, I realise they were times that I experienced the most profound growth.

 

Although the pain was great it allowed me to make difficult decisions that I had been avoiding. I was able to finally face, stop and listen to what my heart was telling me.

 

Many times I experienced a 180-degree turn in my understanding, in my courage, in my feelings of being deserving.

 

I do believe in a Universe that happens for you, not to you, so at some level, there is always soul growth and expansion occurring even when it seems as though this can’t be so.

 

My love to you if you are on that difficult road right now and I pray you are able to experience the silver lining soon.

 

Have you ever experienced something exceptionally positive that came directly from a difficult time? I’d love to hear a bit about your story. Please share in the comments below.

 

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You may reprint this so long as you include the entire unedited article including this footer. ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to empower themselves by connecting with their own untapped internal resources. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren is an uplifter and motivational coach who uses therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visitwww.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get my complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.