Blog - Lauren Bell

From ‘eating their young’ to stepping up as leaders who nurture.

From ‘eating their young’ to stepping up as leaders who nurture.
12 Ways to Lead by Example

Nurses Eat Their Young, a culture that needs to change.

As a registered nurse for over 30 years and working in many different hospitals and organisations, I have met hundreds and hundreds of health professionals that make up this huge workforce.

Throughout my long career, there’s been a saying that represents a culture in nursing that is sad, disappointing and needs to change.

It is this metaphor, that ‘nurses eat their young’ or ‘nurse cannibalism’, a term recently coined by Emma Versluis and Tracy Churchill. That’s pretty confronting hey?

To hear more about this I recommend The Happy Nurse Podcast

Not just a problem in nursing

According to Renee Thompson an expert on incivility in nursing, this is not just a problem in nursing but in many occupations including medicine, the police force and teaching.

It may be commonplace in many professions, but that doesn’t make it okay. And it feels even worse in an industry that is dedicated to caring and compassion

Renee Thompson

I experienced this myself

In my career, I have experienced this attitude of nurse cannibalism and witnessed it occurring to others. And I still hear many troubling accounts from junior and novice nurses.

Although junior nurses are the most often targeted, experienced nurses, do come up against this too. This may occur when they take on a new role in a different speciality, for instance moving from orthopaedics into the operating theatre or coming from another hospital or organisation.

Not ok to not speak up

What has come to light through Black Lives Matter is that it is no longer ok to not speak up when things are not right.

That’s because being present and witnessing something not right and not objecting to it, is equal to condoning the wrongful behaviour. Now I don’t think it’s easy to do but it is important.

Although we worry about what to say and we are scared of being criticised people will criticise you anyway so it’s better to speak up and speak your truth.

We must lead by example 

To make these needed changes in our workplaces, we need to lead by example. It’s not enough to rely on others to do it first and don’t fall into the trap of following along with the cultural ‘norm’ of the workplace.

Be the first, and be proud of how you conduct yourself. This can be as simple as being the one who seeks out another’s eyes and smiles genuinely, is inclusive, asks what you can do to help, and says thank you. 

We are leaders even if it is not fully recognised or owned yet. If we don’t like the way things are then be the change that we want to see.

Take the lead, you can be the change you wish to see.

So how can you be a good leader?

Good leaders must lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership.

Here are just a few of the ways that we can lead by example

  1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members /colleagues on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

  2. Be truthful/vulnerable. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

  3. Be courageous. Walkthrough fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate a commitment to a larger purpose.

  4. Portray confidence. When you are confident in yourself and believe in your team /colleagues, confidence is instilled in others.

  5. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

  6. Be persistent. Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.

  7. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead, be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team or colleagues for more.

  8. Listen with empathy. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

  9. Delegate liberally. Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

  10. Take care of yourself. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it!

  11. Celebrate every step of progress. It is important to celebrate all steps of progress and success. Some people feel as though their work is never recognised or valued, they are only spoken to when there is a complaint. We all work better with encouragement rather than criticism.

  12. Be appreciative, give thanks everywhere. People love to be thanked for a job well done, for their effort and commitment. A simple thanks goes a very long way.
A simple thank you goes a very long way.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Toolkit.  

How neediness can get you your heart’s desire

Photo by Fallon Michael on Unsplash

None of us wants to be needy, it’s unattractive and frankly, we can find really needy people annoying, pathetic and attention-seeking…it is one of the traits in our humanness that we avoid or deny profusely.

You know what I mean, we don’t ask for help, we pride ourselves in being strong, capable and independent.

Do you agree that it is important to not have to depend on anyone? After all, if you want something done a certain way, it’s easier to do it yourself than to ask. Would you rather work and be responsible for everything – even to the point of overwhelm, exhaustion and failure-than to ask for help?

 

Although there is a cost, the add-on benefit is that it protects you from being upset, disappointed or angry, not having to nag someone else or be stuck if they don’t do what you need. It gets done the way you want it done and if there’s any problem you cannot blame anyone else but you.

 

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

This way of being is so common and it can be a challenge to break from because we learned this at a very young age, often as a necessary protection. It’s like we have taken a vow (subconsciously) to never be weak, never depend on anyone, never want anything that you can’t give yourself, never share what you would really like or never tune into or feel deeply what you do want for you.

The big downside to this vow of not being needy is that it can keep you from having more money and more ease in your life and career.

Margaret Lynch Raniere
CREAtor tapping into wealth

When you decide that you don’t need anything from anyone else you block yourself from asking and receiving. You are not open to it, you don’t even see it when it is offered and so you can’t receive.

 

The funny thing is though that secretly we do want more support, more help, more ease, more acknowledgement and more money. How often have you given others what they need (even when they don’t ask) and you hope or believe that they will do that for you? And how disappointed and hurt are you when you don’t get it? Perhaps your birthday was overlooked or you are never asked if you would like a cup of coffee or tea made for you?

Allowing Yourself To Ask For More

  1. Know that you are not alone. We all have needs/wants and desires. It’s just that we deny them and soldier on.

    We all have a needy part inside us that wants to be seen and acknowledged. Let it feel seen and honoured for the truest feelings.

  2. Tune into you and question ‘What do I find pleasurable? What do I love doing? What would I love someone…my partner, child, friend, colleague to do for me? What do I need from my boss? How would I feel more supported, loved, appreciated, acknowledged? What would that look like? What have I been afraid to admit?’

    This deeper reflection may be new for you but it does get easier once you start enquiring because you are now curious and open.

    Be the detective, you can use a journal, daydream, confide in those you trust, your girlfriends or others you can feel safe with. You can own and acknowledge it for each other. Being honest like this is incredibly freeing.

  3. Start asking for what you want… what you really truly want from those around you. Start with small things and from people you feel more comfortable with. Build up to asking

    Understand that people can’t magically intuit what you want or need and often are perplexed by what support they could give you or what gift you would adore.

    Let them know. Let them know how much you would love it and what it means to you.

  4. Get support. You can use tapping or other modalities to access the deeper feelings that you have been denying and gain the confidence to speak the truth about what you really want, what you been limiting for yourself.

This was true for me. After doing some of the deep work from the Tapping into Wealth Program, I did clear the vows that blocked me and accessed parts in me that desired praise and acknowledgement to know that she was loved and cherished. I shared this with my partner stating that I had learned something new about myself, I was scared how he would respond, but instead, he hugged me and said ok I will do this for you. I still have to remind him sometimes, but the truth is I can ask for it and own that part inside me that needs this encouragement.

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

5. Acknowledge and give thanks to those who respond to your requests and see what they deeply need too.

As a therapist, nurse and as a woman, I see this all too common and I too struggled to get my needs met. What I know is that can be difficult to clear this deep programming and unconscious vows that have been with you since childhood and we all need support now and again.

I would love to offer you my No Apologies, I Deserve More Strategy Session

During this consultation, you’ll gain

  • Clarity on where you want to go, be or do.
  • Understand your biggest obstacles that
    are stopping you from achieving your dreams.
  • Map out exactly what you should focus on to
    move forward.
  • Receive my best recommendations for your
    Extraordinary Life Strategy and the next
    steps you should take.
  • My honest evaluation of what you can achieve
    once you get clear and take action.
  • Calls are recorded via phone or Zoom video
    conferencing. You’ll gain aha’s and will want
    to listen again.
  • This session is valuable, worth $200.
    It is yours free and with no obligation. 
  • Feel heard, understood and clearer. 

BOOK YOUR FREE SESSION HERE 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Toolkit.  

Want To Step Up Your Connection? You Need To Read This First

At this turning point in history, knowing deeply that we are all connected, ONE, allows us to relate more deeply and sense the connection with all hearts (all people, all creatures and Mother Earth).

“I am one eternal light appearing as all”. Matt Kahn.

For most of us, we know we are all part of something larger, part of the whole.

As Robert Smalley writes, “we are all in the oneness of God even though we don’t fully understand or know this. We are like the drops of water in the ocean and the ocean is God.”

Connectedness is the feeling of belonging, it is valuable and feels wonderful.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

'Connection' adrianbell_photography
‘Connection’ adrianbell_photography

However, feeling connected comes with certain responsibilities.

If we are all part of a bigger picture then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves, we must not exploit others because we will be exploiting ourselves, we must not disrespect others because we will be disrespecting ourselves…

Knowing that I am connected makes me more considerate, caring, kind and loving and helps me to form quick deep connections and interactions with the people I’m with.

Applying this in your life will help you master the art of connection.

So what else is helpful?

The gift of paying attention is a fundamental key in transforming relationships.

Relationships can be turned around when the connection and interest in the other are truly sought after and valued.

The gift of paying attention to another is a gift for you too. And when you are the one receiving, you do truly understand its power.

It’s simple…the number one thing all people crave is to be seen and to be heard, to be truly heard, to be received.

Oprah WINFREY

One of the skills that is needed for connection is listening.

Learning to really listen is an active skill that takes awareness, practice and a desire to attend.

Top 10 Barriers to Connection

Connection takes effort, there are things to do and things not to do (that many of us do).

Here are the top 10 barriers that impact the connection in all of our relationships, whether they be intimate, family, friends, colleagues, bosses or acquaintances…and whether they are in agreement or in conflict.

A good example of this is when someone comes to us with a problem, it’s easy to lapse into behaviours that—although usually well-meaning—serve to block us from hearing the other person’s experience.

We’d be better off following the words of this back-the-front saying: “Don’t just do something; stand there”…and try not to:

1. Counsel. Seek not to advise solutions (until asked) but listen and reflect back the person’s experience.

2. Defend. When you explain, justify or rationalize, you invalidate the other’s experience. You can create a time to offer your experience, but for now, just listen. 

3. Shut down. This happens in parenting when we say things like: “Stop crying. It’s not that bad.” Children are more likely to stop crying and will feel supported when they feel they’ve been heard.

4. One-up. Saying, “Oh, that’s nothing! Listen to what happened to me!” gives the message, “Your experience doesn’t count.”

5. Reassure. It’s OK, in fact it’s good for people to feel their feelings. When we try to console (“It’s not your fault; you did the best you could…”) we take people out of their feelings.

6. Pity. Sympathy and pity (“Oh, you poor thing!”) are very different from empathy, which is simply a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.

7. Commiserate. Sharing stories of your own similar experiences is not showing empathy; it turns the focus away from the person with the problem.

8. Correct. First listen. After the other person feels fully understood, then see about correcting any misunderstandings or inaccurate impressions.

9. Enlighten. Don’t attempt to educate unless your opinion is asked.

10. Interrogate. Too many questions distract from the feelings at hand.

Listen with interest, curiosity, allow the other to experience their feelings, hear their thoughts and feel your support and heart connection.

You will both be gifted.

Many of us have a mind that measures self-worth in terms of productivity…
We give ourselves no credit for just being present. And yet, if you asked the people you care about what they would like most from you, their answer is likely to be some version of ‘your presence,’ ‘your loving attention’.

—Jan Chozen Bays

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field.

Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed because you do deserve more. More wealth, love, authentic self-expression. You deserve to ‘Love Your Extraordinary Life.’

Fill in the fields below for your complimentary

No Apologies! I DO Deserve More Toolkit, that includes:

  • My Self-Assessment Quiz That Uncovers Your Giving and Receiving Quotient
  • What You Must Know to Earn & Receive More Wealth, More Love, More Reward.





No Apologies! I DO Deserve more

Accessing the Power of Gratitude

Accessing the Power of Gratitude

 “Yes Please! More Please! Thank You!”

When something is going well in my life, an unexpected gift, a windfall, new clients, a podcast or interview invitation, opportunities for fun, for work,  for pleasure, no matter how big or small it is, I say, “Yes Please! More Please! Thank You!”

Taught to me by my manifestation coach. I say it out loud, with a smile, with glee. My kids roll their eyes and laugh (and I have caught them saying it too!!!).

The practise of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years.

Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to greater success in work, greater health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and a faster rate of recovery from surgery.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be difficult to sustain.

So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. Programmed into us for survival, watching for danger.

However, for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just a Thanksgiving word.

We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that can take some time.

That’s why practicing gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention.

For my clients, I encourage them to keep a little notebook to write down all the ways that they are delighted by experiences, items, surprises, kind words, smiles, gestures. This is gathering evidence to counter all the things that aren’t right.

 

Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

There are many things to be grateful for: sunshine, colourful autumn leaves, legs that work, friends who listen and really hear, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude

Keep an evidence journal or a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think in a grateful way.

  • Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
  • Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your nighttime routine.
  • Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
  • When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
  • Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks for gratitude.
  • Smile and dance and exclaim  “Yes Please! More Please! Thank You!”

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling.

That sense of fulfilment is gratitude at work.

_____________________________________________________________________________

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field.


Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed because you do deserve more. You deserve to ‘Love Your Extraordinary Life.’


Fill in the fields below for your complimentary

No Apologies! I DO Deserve More Toolkit, that includes:

  • My Self-Assessment Quiz That Uncovers Your Giving and Receiving Balance/Imbalance
  • A Revealing Deserving Exercise that shows you just where your subconscious mind is right now.





No Apologies! I DO Deserve more

It Starts With Me! How to Burn Bright Not Burnout

When you think about people who love giving, who are perhaps over givers, who do you think about? Mums? Nurses? Teachers? Someone you know? What about you? Do you over give too?

IS IT SELFISH TO PUT YOURSELF FIRST?

WHY DO WE STRUGGLE TO PUT OUR SELF CARE NEEDS AS A PRIORITY? 

We have been taught by our families, by society,  to put the needs of everyone else before our own.

That it is selfish to put your own needs first. 

But, I have found that we have it back the front. 

We subconsciously believe that putting our needs first sends a message that wellbeing is our ONLY priority. 

So really it must start with me. I must put my needs and wellbeing first so that I can give from a full tank, not an empty tank.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON THE RECEIVING END OF CARE GIVEN BY SOMEONE THAT CAME WITH RESENTMENT, FRUSTRATION, EXHAUSTION? 

It doesn’t feel good, does it? 

I have received care like that and I have also been the one giving it. It never feels good.

If you are giving yourself away everywhere you need to find a way to make you first.

Are you taking care of everyone else or caretaking? There is a difference. Taking care is with boundaries and healthy whereas caretaking is unhealthy and can lead to exhaustion and burnout.

Today, May 12th, 2020 is International Nurses Day, celebrating 200 years since the birth of Florence Nightingale and nursing as a profession.

Florence Nightingale

And the World Health Organisation (WHO) has appointed 2020 as the International Year of the Nurse and Midwife.

The theme is Nurses: A Voice To Lead – Nursing the World to Health.

And yet, nursing and the health industry is facing a crisis because caring for others is overwhelming and demanding.

Burnout rates for all industries have risen significantly in the last decade.  Physicians, nurses and other health professionals are among those who are most affected by burnout. With rates, somewhere between 40-60% even cited up to 78% in some recent publications. And it is rising.

High levels of stress can lead to conflicts and workplaces can feel unsupportive, even hostile, leading to high rates of staff turnover and many health professionals intending to or leaving the industry. 

And this was before the impact of COVID-19 😯

In 2019 the World Health Organisation identified burnout as a workplace phenomenon and added it to the International Classification of Diseases 11th Revision (ICD-11) not because it is a disease but because it is a major reason why people seek help from their doctors. 

Burnout is costing billions of dollars in lost productivity each year and impacts the health and wellbeing of each individual and those people who are in their care. 

So what is burnout?

It’s a syndrome that results from chronic stress in the workplace. Chronic stress can be from work and/or workplace conflicts. 

Burnout symptoms include emotional exhaustion, depersonalisation and reduced personal accomplishment. 

Or more simply put, if you feel exhausted, start to hate your job, and begin to feel less capable at work, you are showing signs of burnout.

The truth is having a high-stress job doesn’t necessarily lead to burn out if it is managed well. But there are certain occupations and certain personality characteristics such as perfectionism and pessimism that predispose a person to burnout. 

As a Registered Nurse for over 30 years I’ve been through the heartache and shame of burnout feeling unappreciated, isolated, unfulfilled and resentful. I was questioning what is the point? 

Burnout my experience
Through my experience of burnout and my recovery, I discovered aspects about me that led me to burnout. At the time, I didn’t know I was in burnout until I was through it and could look back on that time of my life.

At the time, I didn’t know I was in burnout until I was through it and could look back on that time of my life.

As a sensitive, empathic, person I see and feel people’s pain and their wounding and am compelled to make them feel better. I was over responsible for everyone else and under responsible for myself.  

I am an idealistic, spiritual and love holistic health and hold an optimistic view of the world and of people. Classic rose-coloured glasses! Yet I barely shared this side of myself at work, believing that western medicine and holistic health/spirituality could not go together. I lived with my feet in two camps. 

Around 12 years ago as a single mother, I returned to full-time nursing. My three sons were only 8,10 and 12 years old. I was juggling a new job, a new relationship, and studying.

It was a lot.

Then I took on a role with even more responsibilities. 

But I didn’t even stop to think about that, I just kept adding more to my plate. And with my high ideals, I was imagining the difference I could make in the work I was doing. 

It became apparent that I could not achieve what I wanted, I was not able to please my managers or myself, I became more and more disheartened, demotivated, burdened and cynical.

I didn’t share my struggles, I didn’t speak up or reach out for help, instead, I complained and I withdrew and became more and more isolated. 

Not in touch with my feelings, stressed, I took it out on my family. The littlest thing such as the boys leaving their dishes on the sink was enough to have me yelling. 

I was doing so much and doing none of it well. I felt unworthy and not good enough.

I was running on empty. 

I felt powerless, stressed, I was making poor decisions. 

Then I hit rock bottom

The Turning Point 
I was in the doctor’s office, he was behind his desk, he was being so kind, compassionate and listening to me, looking right into me, seeing me. As I sat there red-faced with tears streaming down my face, I couldn’t speak, I felt so ashamed, embarrassed, my heart was breaking 💔 

Then it dawned on me… I was doing this to myself. 

I was not listening to what I wanted or needed, I was soldiering on, even though I was desperately unhappy.

I realised right then and there that if I don’t do what I need to do to care for me then I am self-neglecting, self-sacrificing and even self-abusing.

I could make a choice,
I could do this for me 

To put myself first, my heart, my peace, my happiness, my health was foremost. Because without it who was I?

 

I could make a choice,

I could do this for me 

I realised IT STARTS WITH ME! and in my recovery, I discovered the 5 keys that are needed to soar free.

 5 KEYS TO SOARING FREE 

5 KEYS TO SUCCESS

KEY 1. HONESTY
Drop into your heart ❤️

Drop into your heart ❤️

 The mind doesn’t have answers

The heart ❤️  doesn’t have questions

DR Sean stephenson

  

I took time out for me and listened to my heart 

What do I want? What do I love doing? Who do I love being? 

I did know what I needed. I do have the answers inside me. 

I had been living a lie, denying myself, my heart and soul wanted to express my love for holistic wellbeing, to embrace my spirituality, I had to stop censoring myself. I had a different view of health and healthcare and I could no longer pretend with my 2 feet in 2 camps, I had to be real, authentic, to show myself, to be myself, to be proud of myself.

I shared this with my family, my work, my friends and even though I felt vulnerable and uncomfortable, I soon discovered there is freedom in being vulnerable. 

KEY 2. RESPONSIBILITY
Take responsibility for you, not for everybody else 

Working with my mentor helped me to take responsibility, to move to a place of empowerment instead of being a victim tossed like a pinball in the pinball game of life. 

I could see that I had been caretaking not taking care. 

KEY 3. BOUNDARIES
Know yours and honour them 

I had no boundaries in place. I wanted to feel accepted and fit in. I learned what I was willing to accept and what I wasn’t. I set my boundaries and committed to them.

You get to teach others how to treat you when you have boundaries. 

KEY 4. BELIEFS
Can be changed, make them empowering 

Choose empowering beliefs





I looked at my beliefs and recognised many erroneous beliefs that weren’t serving me. I chose to believe in me. 

 

 

 

KEY 5. KNOWLEDGE
Learn tools to support you.

Mindfulness and Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) or Tapping helped me to feel my feelings and to express my truth. Feeling is healing and it enabled to me develop self compassion, acceptance and self love, to know my own value and deservingness.

This started everything flowing into my life 

Benefits of choosing
IT STARTS WITH ME!

Now think about your life, where you are not listening to you?
Where are you needing to do something for yourself?
Where are you putting everyone else ahead of you? 

WHAT I WANT FOR YOU…
is for you to know what you need to take care of you.  At home, in your workplace, in your career, in your relationships? So that you too can feel happy, on purpose, fulfilled to the brim and overflowing.

As a Nurse with A Voice To Lead – Nursing the World to Health and as a coach I know it is time for you to address your self-care in an empowered way. Gain emotional mastery and take responsibility for your own professional and personal wellbeing.

It Starts With Me!
Burn Bright Don’t Burnout

So how well are you doing?

If you are giving yourself away everywhere you need to find a way to make you first. 

Take my special quiz Are you Taking Care or Caretaking? FREE Quiz to assess right now how you are doing with this. 

Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary Are you Taking Care or Caretaking? FREE Quiz 

“Self-care is giving the world the best of you instead of what is left of you.” Katie Reed

It Starts With Me!  Burn Bright don’t Burnout.

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You may reprint this so long as you include the entire unedited article including this footer.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Toolkit.  

Forget About Fitting In at Work

Fitting In Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up To Be

Fitting in isn’t all it was cracked up to be back in primary school. When we were young, we learned to limit ourselves, play small, hide behind masks, all so we could please others and avoid conflict.

Then fast forward, we’re all grown up, and we’re still unconsciously following someone else’s rules (from family and the society). Mostly we don’t even question it until it becomes too hard, too uncomfortable or deeply painful to continue pretending as if all is OK.

If you notice yourself going along with what others are saying or doing, or asking you to do, whether you agree with it or not, just to keep the peace, here are some steps you can take to win back your power.

Step 1: Notice that you are sacrificing yourself to keep the peace or not rock the boat. Take a bit of time to journal about what’s going on, what are the habitual thoughts that keep influencing you, and how you really feel about it. You don’t have to show it to anyone, this is really for you to become more conscious.

Step 2: Clear the emotional charge around the issue. One way is to just allow yourself to feel. Sometimes this can seem really hard but it’s actually the fastest way to clear it. Many times I’ve noticed things clearing astonishingly fast just by allowing the emotions to be. I also have found EFT (Tapping) to be extremely helpful for this, and it is my method of choice to use with my clients.

Step 3: Decide. There comes a time when you have to decide that you are worthy, that what you say and think and feel has value. Making this decision becomes the foundation for the future steps you will take in the direction of your own empowerment. Once again, I use tapping to bring forward the strength, power and confidence my clients need to move forward.

Step 4: Get help. As a therapist, I have seen it all, and as a woman, I have been there too. What I know is that this world can be a difficult place, and we all need support now and again.

I would love to offer you my No Apologies, You Get To Be You Consultation

During this consultation, you’ll gain

  • Clarity on where you want to go, be or do.
  • Understand your biggest obstacles that
    are stopping you from achieving your dreams.
  • Map out exactly what you should focus on to
    move forward.
  • Receive my best recommendations for your
    Extraordinary Life Strategy and the next
    steps you should take.
  • My honest evaluation of what you can achieve
    once you get clear and take action.
  • Calls are recorded via phone or Zoom video
    conferencing. You’ll gain aha’s and will want
    to listen again.
  • This session is valuable, worth $200.
    It is yours free and with no obligation. 
  • Feel heard, understood and clearer. 

BOOK YOUR FREE SESSION HERE 

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

Happy New Year 2019! Time to stop, rest, reflect and vision.

I wish you prosperity in all of your life; in love, joy, health, freedom, money, success, beauty, fun, whatever you are dreaming of.

So 2018 has come and gone, my how quickly time flies.

I love this time of the year to stop, reflect, not do too much, to withdraw from electronics, read a novel, nap, do whatever feels right in my mind and body.

The Christmas holidays whether I am away on vacation or just enjoying time at home is the only time of the year that I actually allow myself to stop and rest and have no plans at all.

Each day during my morning ritual I will see what is my inspired action for the day is and will set that as my intention. At this time of the year, it may be read a novel by the pool for at least 1 hour maybe even 4!

And in fact, this year I did that. I read for longer and have finished my book. I loved it, not the book (it was an average read). I loved the time and space and freedom that I allowed myself.

You see even though I am a big promoter of taking responsibility for self-care, I have recognised that most of my self-care is actions, things I do, such as walking Ruby through the local nature reserve, receiving a facial, a pedicure or a back massage. I am naturally a doer, always taking action so for me the real test, and rest is to stop and just be.

The truth is I do find it hard to stop and rest.

I have become conscious of my inner critical voice that is constantly nagging, always harping, and never satisfied. This voice when I rest doesn’t feel comfortable. I may get 15 minutes if I’m lucky, but before I’ve really settled into this me time, I’m reminded of all the things I need to do. And then so easily, my inner critical voice wins, I give up and go back to doing again.

The problem with this though is I never get the rest and time out that I am craving.

Eventually, because I haven’t nurtured myself in the way I truly need I find myself waking through the night or in the early morning in a state of overwhelm and stress, not with the refreshed and ready to go feeling that I should have after a good nights sleep.

This puts me into a state of I can’t be bothered, exhausted, listless, and I ask myself, “Why am I pushing so hard? Why bother?” It feels uncomfortable, I am in victim mode, poor me, powerless and complaining.

I use myriad of things that helps me move through this state, but mostly it is about honouring how I feel, accepting how I feel and loving myself deeply and completely anyway…more about that later.

The point I am making here is the need to actually stop and rest and be in the feminine, receiving mode, just being and appreciating just because I deserve it; I need it.

I need it regularly, more often, the balance to my doing, doer, masculine energy.

And, the truth is I’ll get more done, I’ll achieve more because my cup is filled, I’m in balance, happier and more energetic.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions because they don’t work.

I do visualise and dream up my desires and how I want to feel and I create my More Of’s list. More of’s are all the things, feelings, experiences you would love more of in your life.


So my first More Of for 2019 is to have more being time, no pressure, nothing to do, just be, maybe journalling, maybe meditating, maybe sitting in the sun, maybe smelling and loving the flowers, maybe watching the sunrise or sunset, or maybe sitting with my back against a big, beautiful tree.

It sounds heavenly.

What is your first More Of that you’d love to welcome into your 2019? Please share in the comments below.

Beautiful Big Gum Bendigo Botanical Gardens

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Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

The Shaggy Duck Story Seeing The World Through Our Unique Lens

Image Credit: Ernst Vikne - evikne@mac.com

Image Credit: Ernst Vikne - [email protected]

SHAGGY DUCK STORY
When I lived in an organic farming community, one morning I sat on the porch of the bunkhouse, watching members walk across a grassy area to the dining hall. 

Beside the path, Pete the duck sat and quacked at people as they walked by. 

A professional singer was the first to pass by Pete that morning.
Upon hearing him, she stopped and told him, “How nice of you to sing me a morning song!”

The next woman along the path was rather overweight. When she heard Pete quack in her direction, she scolded him, “You’re always quacking for more food, Pete. It’s time you stuck to your diet!” 

The final person to pass was a very intellectual architect. Hearing Pete’s voice, he retorted, “Questions, Pete—always questions! How about some answers for a change?” 

Hmm . . . Each person saw Pete through the lens of his or her own self-perception. They projected their worldview onto the duck and attributed their beliefs about themselves to him. It was their own selves they were talking to. 

We are all speaking only to our own self.

This beautiful story is truly a classic. It is from Alan Cohen's book A Course In Miracles Made Easy and illustrates how we all view the world through our own lens. And mostly we do this so unconsciously we assume that everyone else sees, hears and interprets the world the same as we do. 

Christmas Stress or Christmas Joy? Top 10 Ways to Have the Best Christmas Holidays Ever

 

The Christmas holiday season is already upon us. And with it comes the hope that this one will be truly magical.

Although Christmas is a time for love and connection with family and friends, singing carols and connecting deeply spiritually, celebrating this year’s achievements and objectively reviewing how the year panned out, I find it sneaks up on me.

Many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns.

This morning I decided to do something different, to honestly identify the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that I have leading up to Christmas. This is so that I can choose to do something different this year.

These are just a few examples of ‘worries’ that I uncovered:

  • The hassle of finding and putting up the decorations and decluttering the house to fit them in.
  • Eating too much at Christmas and New Year’s and putting on extra weight.
  • Spending money that feels tight and wanting to be more generous than I am.
  • Deciding on what presents to buy for my loved ones.
  • Feeling that I am too busy, too tired, that there is too much preparation.

Do you relate to these? Do you have other ones too?

Give yourself a moment to become really clear on what it is that stresses you about this holiday season. There is so much more peace in awareness because then you can choose to do something different.

Here are 10 ways to turn that dynamic around and create the magic.

  • 1. Give yourself a break. Perfection—even perfect happiness—just isn’t possible. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money—and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts.
  • 2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don’t have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others’ desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first.
  • 3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off.
  • 4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier. If you can’t avoid certain events, limit the time you’re there.
  • 5. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Schedule time for relaxation and fun.
  • 6. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now.
  • 7. Ask for help. Reject any notion of martyrdom. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.
  • 8. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you’ve never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise.
  • 9. Do your own Personal Peace Procedure.
    Here’s a quick overview of how to do your own Personal Peace Procedure

    • Identify your limiting beliefs, things that have happened that you wish had not happened, worries about things that might or might not happen. Write them all down, one idea per line, on your personal peace list.
    • Rate them out of ten on the stress scale, 0 being no stress and 10 being maximum stress.
    • Each day tap on one item on your list (the highest rating on the stress scale). Rate it again now that you are about to tap on it, and keep tapping and assessing until you can get your stress level down to at least 2.
    • Notice any ah ha’s or insights that arise from your tapping and journal those in your peace procedure journal.
    • You will find that after tapping for a few days the overall stress level for many of the other identified beliefs or memories will have come down too. Keep choosing an item to tap the stress down and you will enjoy an improved level of peace and acceptance that carries over into other parts of your life.
  • 10. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

Call me on +61 409 1715 77

Email me: [email protected]

CONTACT ME TO REQUEST YOUR SESSION HERE

And have an Extraordinary Christmas Holiday Season.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get your complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.  

Seeing The Silver Lining During Difficult Times Leads to Profound Growth

Seeing The Silver Lining during Difficult Times Leads to Profound Growth

 

How often do we see the gift and blessings that come out of difficult times?

The proverb, “Every cloud has a silver lining,” can be traced back to at least the early 17th Century. It reminds us that difficult times do pass and that there is something positive to be found in negative situations.

 

Life can be so challenging. When we are in the midst of tough times, it is easy to be engulfed by the feelings it evokes and the often negative meanings we ascribe to it.

 

And although we do know that things will pass with time, it is important to feel and experience the depth of what we are going through. Otherwise, we are just band-aiding the pain that needs to be healed and it will continue to rise up until we do finally deal with it.

 

Looking back at some of the most difficult times in my life, I realise they were times that I experienced the most profound growth.

 

Although the pain was great it allowed me to make difficult decisions that I had been avoiding. I was able to finally face, stop and listen to what my heart was telling me.

 

Many times I experienced a 180-degree turn in my understanding, in my courage, in my feelings of being deserving.

 

I do believe in a Universe that happens for you, not to you, so at some level, there is always soul growth and expansion occurring even when it seems as though this can’t be so.

 

My love to you if you are on that difficult road right now and I pray you are able to experience the silver lining soon.

 

Have you ever experienced something exceptionally positive that came directly from a difficult time? I’d love to hear a bit about your story. Please share in the comments below.

 

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You may reprint this so long as you include the entire unedited article including this footer. ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to empower themselves by connecting with their own untapped internal resources. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren is an uplifter and motivational coach who uses therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit
www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and get my complimentary No Apologies, I Deserve More Money Toolkit.