Blog - Lauren Bell

It’s Okay To Say No Without Feeling Guilty

It’s Okay To Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Nurses and other caring professionals experience a lot of stress in their jobs.

Caring for another person entails patience and empathy. Plus, with the additional stress due to the COVID-19 pandemic, there has been a rise in stress levels, burnout and anxiety among nurses and caring professionals. Many of the pre-existing problems within these industries are highlighted.

Relationships are stressed, there is hierarchical and horizontal aggression, and blaming is rampant, staff do not feel valued.

But if you think it can’t get any more difficult, wait until one of your superiors or co-workers approaches you to ask for an extra shift, stay back for overtime, cover sick leave, or help with another set of tasks.

But for many caring professionals, we feel the need to help everyone. And, we are pulled between not wanting to disappoint, proving we are good enough, or not wanting to feel judged or rejected for saying no. Thus, saying yes to all these additional requests can come at the cost of our own health and well-being.

But why do we feel guilty in the first place?

Why We Feel Guilty For Saying No

 Before we dive into the ways you can practice saying no without feeling guilty, let’s break down why we do feel guilty in the first place. 

Guilt is an emotion we feel when we do something wrong. So if you’ve truly wronged someone, then it would be understandable why you would feel guilty. However, saying no to tasks or favors that are not in your best interest is not doing anyone wrong. So why do we feel guilty?

There are a lot of reasons for this. Some of which include not wanting to disappoint, wanting to be part of a team, wanting to prove yourself to be good enough, or even wanting to be noticed for future promotions. 

 

Why We Shouldn’t Say Yes When We Want to Say No

Saying yes when we really want to say no puts both parties at a disadvantage. For one, you are neglecting your own self-care by saying yes when you don’t mean it. Additionally, saying yes to an additional shift at work or task, when you already have too much on your plate means less than quality output. 

Here are five reasons why, caring professionals and entrepreneurs shouldn’t say yes when we want to say no. 

  • You have loved ones who need you; your partner, family, children…
  • Just because workplaces are short-staffed – look at the global shortage of nurses and other healthcare professionals, it does not mean that the responsibility falls on you. 
  • You need to prioritise your own self-care.
  • Saying no is a way to take care of your mental health. 
  • You are not responsible for how others react to you saying no.

 

 

How To Stop Saying Yes When You Want to Say No

Now that we’ve discussed the why, let’s delve into HOW to actually say NO.

 

Stop and breathe.

When we are asked a favour, whether by our superior or colleague, we can sometimes be caught off guard and quickly agree even if we want to do otherwise. In order to say no, remember to first stop and breathe. Feel your breath and take a moment to pause.

This pause is a powerful tool to help you when caught in these types of situations. It gives you space to think.

 

Don’t answer right away.

Following the first step, the next tip would be not to give an answer straight away. Instead, pause and ask if you can have some time to think about it. Tell them that you need some time to think about it or check your schedule. 

Use this time to check-in with yourself first. A lot of times we end up feeling regretful for agreeing to requests on impulse.

 

Notice how it feels in your body.

During this time, check in with yourself. Notice what you are feeling. Try imagining what would happen if you said yes, or if you said no. What do you feel during both scenarios?

 

Practice this exact scenario.

Saying no can take courage. Especially if it’s saying no to someone more senior in position, or to a close friend or even to a family member. So, in order to be able to do so gracefully, practice saying no. Practice this exact scenario. 

Try saying it in your head or try saying it out loud in front of the mirror. By practising the scenario, it will make it easier for you when the time comes to tell them no. Saying no is like a muscle that needs practice to training in order to be strengthened.

 

Remember that ‘No’ is a complete sentence. 

After practicing saying no, you can get back to the person asking for the favor and give them your answer. If they ask why, remember that “No” is a complete sentence. Your explanation is not required.

If you want to say no, just say it. Avoid offering a lot of reasons or excuses as to why you can’t agree to the request. Your co-workers will appreciate it more if you’ll be honest with them.

 

Show Empathy When Saying No

While saying no means standing up for yourself, it doesn’t mean you need to be harsh or rude about it. You want to show the person that you truly understand their problem, but it simply isn’t something you can handle right now.

Remember to show empathy. Empathy is what connects us as human beings, so it’s important to convey this on some level.

 

Remove the Guilt

Saying no takes courage and a lot of guts. But no matter how hard it is, don’t feel sorry for prioritizing yourself and taking care of yourself first. Taking on more shifts and responsibilities is a sure-fire way towards burnout.

 

Be in Charge of the Situation

When we are new to a job, we may feel intimidated or even scared of our superiors. Because of this, we can have a hard time saying no to requests. 

Follow the steps listed above. Then, take control of the situation. Let the other person know that you are standing your ground. 

 

Stop Worrying About What Others Think

Saying yes to requests and favours, when we want to say no, stems from the fear of disappointing, being judged, or wanting to be accepted. It is much more important to prioritise your own health and well-being than to compromise just to “fit in” or be accepted. 

Remember, what others think of you is none of your business. Other people’s judgment of you doesn’t reflect you, but them.

 

Confidence is appealing and charismatic

Saying no takes confidence and confidence is appealing. Being confident not only makes you more charismatic, it also makes other people respect you and your boundaries more. 

Five Ways to Say No

The next time someone asks you to do something, take a moment to pause, reflect, and ask yourself if you are already stretched thin. If so, please say no and don’t feel guilty about it. 

If you are still struggling to say no, here are five alternatives you can use.

  1. I’m not comfortable with that.
  2. I don’t think it’s a right fit for me and my current schedule.
  3. I have another commitment/ I already have plans
  4. I need to focus on myself/my personal life/my career
  5. NO!

In Conclusion

During these times, it is so essential to take care of ourselves. We need more than ever to prioritise our own well-being in order to care for another person. 

By looking after yourself first, you can provide better care for your patients and those who depend on you. 

Download this Free Cheat Sheet and learn more on how to say no without feeling guilty.





Accessing the Power of Gratitude

Accessing the Power of Gratitude

The practice of gratitude as a tool for happiness has been in the mainstream for years. 

Long-term studies support gratitude’s effectiveness, suggesting that a positive, appreciative attitude contributes to an abundance mindset and increased wealth. Other benefits include more success in work, more health, peak performance in sports and business, a higher sense of well-being, and faster recovery from surgery.

But while we may acknowledge gratitude’s many benefits, it still can be challenging to sustain. 

So many of us are trained to notice what is broken, undone or lacking in our lives. And for gratitude to meet its full healing potential in our lives, it needs to become more than just saying thank you.

We have to learn a new way of looking at things, a new habit. And that takes time and practice. 

That’s why practising gratitude makes so much sense. When we practice giving thanks for all we have, instead of complaining about what we lack, we give ourselves the chance to see all of life as an opportunity and a blessing.

Remember that gratitude isn’t a blindly optimistic approach in which the bad things in life are whitewashed or ignored. It’s more a matter of where we put our focus and attention.

 

Pain and injustice exist in this world, but when we focus on the gifts of life, we gain a feeling of well-being. Gratitude balances us and gives us hope.

 

There are many things to be grateful for: colourful autumn leaves, feet to stand on, legs that work, friends who get you and love you, chocolate, fresh eggs, warm jackets, tomatoes, the ability to read, roses, our health, butterflies. What’s on your list?

 

Some Ways to Practice Gratitude 

  • Keep a gratitude journal in which you list things for which you are thankful. You can make daily, weekly or monthly lists. Greater frequency may be better for creating a new habit, but just keeping that journal where you can see it will remind you to think gratefully.
  • Make a gratitude collage by drawing or pasting pictures.
  • Practice gratitude around the dinner table or make it part of your night-time routine.
  • Make a game of finding the hidden blessing in a challenging situation.
  • When you feel like complaining, make a gratitude list instead. Write it out, or just speak it out loud. You may be amazed by how much better you feel.
  • Notice how gratitude is impacting your life. Write about it, sing about it, express thanks, celebrate everything – every small step of progress.

As you practice, an inner shift begins to occur, and you may be delighted to discover how content and hopeful you are feeling. That sense of fulfilment is gratitude at work.

It’s Time to Drop the Perfectionism

It’s Time to Drop the Perfectionism

Do you hold yourself to high standards for everything? If so, you’re not alone. Most gifted people strive for perfection.

 

But what if inflexible standards are slowing you down and holding you back? What if they are affecting your self-worth, your wealth? 

 

There’s evidence that constant perfectionism can get in the way of a happy and productive life.
It’s connected to procrastination, low productivity, and depression.

 

We set unrealistic goals that we can’t achieve, or  which makes us difficult to be around, and downright mean and nasty to ourselves.

 

More often than not, continual high standards aren’t needed for us to succeed in life. Think about people like Einstein, Oprah, Donald Trump, Walt Disney and Bill Gates. These famously accomplished people have reported that they owe their achievements to their unstoppable nature and willingness to make mistakes.

 

Recognise when high standards are necessary.

The trick is to recognise when high standards are necessary and when they actually get in the way of innovation, efficiency and fulfilment. Getting to the place of good enough on most tasks and projects allows us to get more done without compromising quality.

 

This open-minded approach allows for creativity, innovation and fun.

 

Freedom from perfection starts with flexibility, compassion and faith in self. Remember that you are good enough as you are. You are intrinsically valuable.

 

The next time you notice that you’re driving yourself hard, procrastinating on projects or tasks, or feeling self-critical about your accomplishments, ask yourself:

“Am I holding myself to standards that aren’t needed in these circumstances?”

“What would good enough look and feel like?”

 

Breathe. Open up your heart and mind. Think flexibly about your project or task and let your standards relax. Try the “good enough approach”.

 

After all done is better than perfect for your day to day tasks and reserve your high standards for rare and special circumstances. You’ll not only get more done, you’ll also feel motivated to do more!

 

 And take on board for yourself this anonymous but very wise quote, “The word ‘Imperfect’ actually spells ‘I’m perfect’ because everyone is perfect in their own imperfect ways.” 

 

In theory we get this but changing it can be hard.

I know this is hard. In theory, we get it, but often the reality is more challenging.

To transform your life, you need to let go of your inner perfectionist and judge and learn how to love and accept yourself deeply. It’s your worth mindset.

As a Certified Tapping into Wealth Coach, I use tapping (EFT) to show my clients what is blocking them and where they are holding themselves back. We are super levelling your worth.

To learn more contact me.

Practical Tips to Overcome Anxiety

Practical Tips to Overcome Anxiety

Anxiety. Stress. Overwhelm. Burnout. 

Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout. These words have different meanings and levels. Yet, people use them interchangeably because they refer to situations when your energy is depleted, and you feel trapped.

What if I tell you that you can reframe these negative feelings into a more empowering language?

Biochemically, our bodies release the same chemicals whether we are excited or scared. So, it’s a matter of reframing the labels and diagnoses we put on what we experience.

Here are some tips for you to do that.

Recognise the symptoms

Have you ever woken up at 3:00 a.m. and you can’t go back to sleep because your mind engages in a thinking loop of would’ve, could’ve and should’ve? Perhaps you have many things to do, or you are worried about something.

Even as a coach, I still suffer from these symptoms. However, I now know how to recognise them for what they are. When I do, I can start to do something about it. Perhaps write my thoughts down or do some tapping or deep breathing.

Focus on the body

Everything is a vibration, and your body vibrates slower than your thoughts and emotions.

So, bring your awareness back down to the body; it literally will slow you down.

When you focus on the inner sensations in the body, they can take you out of your spinning energy and ground you in the present, bringing you to a heightened state of being.

What is your body feeling?

Is it the weight of your bottom on your chair? Notice your feet on the ground. Is it your heart beating? Perhaps you can even hear the sound of your blood as it travels throughout your body. Does your whole body feel tight? Or is it open and loose?

There is no right or wrong feeling. Everything you are noticing is okay. 

When you are ready, you can wriggle your fingers and toes to bring you back to the room. 

Breathe

One effective method to instantly focus on the body is to do some deep breathing. Yet, a lot of people forget about it.

So if you start to feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stressed, take a deep breath. It has to be so deep that it fills the bases of your lungs. 

Allow your belly to expand. Then purse your lips and let the air out slowly.

Most of the time, it’s hard to start breathing as deeply as you want to. Try to count to two at first. Inhale, count 1-2, exhale. As you get into a rhythm, increase the count to four.

Thank your body

We wouldn’t be here without our bodies. So, give yours some thanks and gratitude for being here with you and giving you this human experience.

If you manage to complete your deep breathing exercise, give yourself an internal high five or pat on the back for dropping into your body and giving yourself some care and attention. 

Let your feelings come up and out

Many of us push down our feelings. Doing so becomes exhausting, and the trapped emotions explode during an inappropriate moment. Your partner says something, and you suddenly lash out.

To avoid such a situation, don’t fight the emotions as they rise up. Breathe deeply and feel them come up, expand and dissipate. If you need to cry, do so. You will feel so much better afterwards.

What’s great about deep breathing is you can do it anywhere. If you suffer from professional anxiety, go to the bathroom and take a breathing break. 

Practise mindfulness

Acknowledge that you are in a tough mental, emotional and physical situation. 

We all have times when things are hard, and it’s quite normal. Breathe and deal with it. Then, later on when you’re at home, allow yourself to examine what happened through questions like:

  • What was going on at the time?
  • What was I thinking?
  • What did I make it mean?

Don’t judge the answers you get. 

Through this exercise, you safely unpack the situation and your feelings and understand yourself a lot more. 

As part of mindfulness, remember:

You are valued. You are worth it. You are a unique, needed, amazing, beautiful being, an essential part of this world. 

If you want to be part of a group of people who know your value, join my Facebook group Heart Centred Professionals: Seeking More Love, More Wealth and More Confidence. It’s a safe place for people who are heart centred, care for others yet want to embrace their inner selves.

Why You Need Coaches and Coaching

Why You Need Coaches and Coaching

My whole career has been about my love of health and wellness, and helping people to be the best they can be. Even as a health and healing professional, though, I went through my own burnout journey. 

My advantage was that I understood what was going on in my world, what I was responsible for, and what I could and could not change. 

So, I left that particular workplace and finished a counselling postgrad that I was undertaking. 

These actions led me into coaching. 

All of us have that something that we just cannot get on top of. It is that something that we know can move us from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Coaching was this “something” for me.

Coaches and coaching

Athletes have coaches that bring the best out of their potential. The principle is the same for all types of coaches. 

We are the experts in our own lives. The answers are inside us, but limiting beliefs or past trauma block us. Having a coach allows us to see or blind spots. 

A coach asks thought-provoking questions so you can move forward safely and get the answers yourself. The process helps to recognise your inner critical thinking, and then moving you into empowerment. 

A coach and a client may have to do some work to heal, understand or reframe things. For example, you want to be successful, but at the same time you fear extra responsibility or that you need to work harder, or you are scared that a new job will take you away from your family.

Unlike traditional therapy coaching focuses on making you accept where you are now because you are perfect as you are. This is a great place to start discovering your potential and opportunity for growth and greatness.

Coaching also touches on self-compassion. You learn why you react in certain ways. When you discover the reason behind your reaction, then you can start forgiving yourself. This is just so freeing. You can give yourself what you have been looking outside from others to do for you. And it’s from this place of self-fullness that you can give and serve those you care for without feeling depleted. 

There is also the aspect of accountability. When you tell someone else that you are going to do something, you put power behind your words. Your coach can then help you be accountable for them and you get the results. 

Self-coaching

One advantage of coaching over therapy is self-coaching.

It is the ability to ask the right questions of yourself without judgment. You empower yourself to feel differently about things and accept whatever the answers may be.

As human beings, we all have feelings. This is normal. Yet, we don’t like many of them. We don’t like feeling sad, being in grief or being angry. We have been taught not to feel them even if they’re normal parts of being human.

When you embrace and allow these emotions to come up in a safe way, you no longer need to defend yourself, so you have more ability to be fully expressed. You can get with the flow of these emotions and permit yourself to be who you are, and that is freeing. 

When you stop limiting yourself and allow yourself to be more authentic, your joy is revealed. You own who you are in a respectful way because you develop inner confidence and authority. You become the expert in your life, and what’s going on for you is right. 

 

Professional Anxiety

Besides emotions, people often experience periods of professional anxiety.

However, through coaching, you can alleviate the signs and symptoms of this condition.

In very simple terms, professional anxiety describes anxiety that you feel in the workplace. However, when you dive deep, it becomes more complicated. It could be related to each of these elements or a combination of them:

  • The work itself
  • A toxic environment
  • The relationships you have with colleagues
  • Your personal tendency to judge, doubt or hold yourself back

If you have professional anxiety, you will always feel you are not good enough for a promotion, even if you might actually be overqualified for a higher position. You worry that your performance is never good enough or doesn’t meet your expectations or ideals. You won’t even go for the role, or perhaps you do but you bring that energy of self-doubt with you. 

My professional anxiety triggered my burnout journey. I felt that I had reached the top of my pay level and had no other way of earning more money, except to do more work. 

So, I worked harder, took on more shifts. I was constantly exhausted and not taking care of myself. My anxiety kept building because I was over giving and overdoing things. I felt like I was doing nothing well. 

In addition, I had this compulsion to ‘fix’ other people’s problems and make them feel better. I now understand that this is impossible, but the need came because of my empathic and sensitive nature. Although these are all good qualities, I absorbed too much of other people’s sensations and feelings. 

I took on everyone else’s problems. I reached a point where the line between my condition and everyone else’s blurred.

If you resonate with my experience, you know it is such an overwhelming burden. 

 

Healthy Boundaries

You need to create healthy boundaries between what’s your responsibility and what’s not yours. 

That’s the whole point. You need to stay in your own lane even if it’s not easy. Once you understand more and recognise that it’s not doing you or the other person any good, then that’s where you can move into that empowered place and make a difference. 

As a certified Tapping into Wealth Coach, I use tapping (EFT) and mindfulness techniques to show my clients what is blocking them and where they are holding themselves back from getting to where they wish to be.

At the heart of what I do is the person. This is why I named my program “It Starts With Me.”

Together, I help my clients do the inside work so that their outer world changes. It truly is transformational. 

To learn more or to schedule your FREE 30-minute Wealth Breakthrough session, contact me.

 

Be Your Own Empowerment Coach Top 10 loving things to say to yourself

<span class="entry-title-primary">Be Your Own Empowerment Coach</span> <span class="entry-subtitle">Top 10 loving things to say to yourself</span>

Many of the things we say to ourselves, we wouldn’t dream of saying to another person. We blame, shame, call names of the meanest sort, nag, belittle and bully ourselves through self-talk.

What if instead, we were gentler with ourselves? What if we asked ourselves questions and listened to the responses? What would it be like to treat ourselves as we would treat a best friend, someone we love dearly?

What if we could be our own empowerment coach?

It is possible, and it can start here with this list of loving things to say to yourself.

 

The Top 10 Loving Things to Say to Yourself.

1. What do you feel? Asking ourselves what we feel can help identify and put names to our emotions. To listen for an honest response is like taking our emotional temperature.

 

2. What do you need? A need is different from a want. Whereas a want states a desire, a need is usually a statement about nurturing. Pay attention to your needs; they’re about caring for yourself.

 

3. Good job. Congratulate yourself on a job well done, whether it’s mowing the lawn, completing a work project or cleaning the bathroom. Give yourself a verbal pat on the back.

 

4. I apologise. Saying “I’m sorry” for all the wrongs we have done ourselves—for being self-critical or breaking a promise to yourself, for example—can be the first step in healing.

 

5. Let’s play. Lighten up and be playful. Listen to what comes up when you suggest playing.

 

6. Breathe. Reminding ourselves to breathe helps relieve tension, gives us that moment we sometimes need to centre and ground ourselves.

 

7. I forgive you. Sometimes it’s easier to forgive others than ourselves. Yet, to have closure and to move on, we may also have to forgive ourselves.

 

8. Let go. Releasing anxiety, resentments, and fears loosens the grip of resistance and makes room for growth.

 

9. Be present. Staying present, being aware of the physical, acknowledging the moment—this is when we are truly alive.

 

10. I love you. We say it to others; why not say it to ourselves? Say it again. Say it again!

 

Do mirror work and say to yourself, “I love you.”

Mirror work is one of the simplest yet most profound exercises for learning to love yourself. It was introduced by Louise Hay, and after doing my own mirror work  I have been teaching for years.

It isn’t easy at first, and you will feel a bit silly, but it is worth doing and worth doing on a regular basis.

It’s not so hard. Here’s how… Every time you go to the bathroom, look in the mirror. Look into your own eyes and smile and say, “I love you. You are beautiful. You are amazing! I love you!”

It does get easier! And the reward, life becomes Extra-Ordinary!

 

It’s time for you!

If you know it’s time for you to start being kinder to yourself and you need some help, then reach out. I offer free wealth breakthrough sessions where we get to understand what’s really going on inside for you when it comes to fears, doubts, criticism and judgements.

Why is it a wealth breakthrough session, aren’t we talking about self-love? 
Your money story is a direct representation of how much you value yourself. Is it easy for you to receive? Can you take in a compliment? Can you tell yourself I love you? Can you tell others how amazing you are? If the answer is no, then it’s possible for you to transform your life in every area, to be more confident, to have more true wealth. It’s time for you!

Click here and book your FREE no-obligation 30 minute Wealth Breakthrough Session with me. 

 

Mindset and Behaviour That Lead To Professional Anxiety

Mindset and Behaviour That Lead To Professional Anxiety

Having been a registered nurse for over 30 years and a holistic therapist for over 16 years, I’ve come across many people with professional anxiety. I was actually one of those people. 

Although each case is unique, I’ve discovered certain mindsets and behaviour that are common among people with this type of anxiety.

What You Think and What You Do

People with professional anxiety are often those who have high standards and ideals about what they want to do, and how they want to present themselves and make an impact in the workplace.

So, they tend to exhibit behaviour patterns, such as:

  • Over giving – drawn to helping and caring for others; prioritising other people’s needs over their own.
  • Doubtfulness –  lacking the self-confidence to put themselves forward for better positions, even though they have put in the work and have the necessary expertise and experience.
  • Self-criticism – always thinking that their work is not good enough and focuses on what they could have, would have and should have done.
  • Perfectionism – anxious not to let people down, so they pressure themselves to give only the most flawless and best output all the time.

These mindsets and behaviour are often compounded by workplace anxiety. When a company does not promote a culture of support and instead perpetuates stress and unhealthy competition, then the mental wellbeing of workers suffers even more.

 

Early Signs of Professional Anxiety

Anxiety stemmed from my childhood. This is often the case, because this is when we are forming beliefs about ourselves and how we fit into this world. I don’t know the exact moment it manifested, but I do have a specific memory that shows how it impacted me, even for little things.

It involves a shopping trip with my mother and my sister. I agreed to getting a pair of shoes I hated because I was afraid to speak up.

Meanwhile, my sister got a great pair of shoes because she assertively didn’t settle for anything less.

This tendency to keep things inside stayed with me until I was an adult. It was one of the reasons for my burnout. 

 

Constant Stress

Being in a constant state of stress puts a lot of unhealthy pressure on a person’s mind and spirit. It impacts on everything, including interpersonal relations. We become snappy or resentful.

Now that I have studied more about professional anxiety, I can spot the signs earlier. I become aware of my feelings and can make choices to change my state, through my beliefs, my emotions or behaviours. 

As a recent example, when I was writing my contribution to The Anxiety Relief Handbook, my mind would race and I would be unable to go back to sleep. I experienced shortness of breath and heart palpitations. 

Being aware of the signs helps me take the proper steps to stem out the wave that comes with anxiety and its sibling, overwhelm.

I  can be gentle with myself, acknowledge how I am feeling, dig beneath it to find out what’s really under it and see it for what it is. From here, I can take the best action to ease it. For example, when my mind is spinning with so many things I need to do, I list all the things down. Next is to look at the list and prioritise which things are most important. I can then schedule them and return to a state of ease, or calm.

 

Shake It Off

I love a story I heard many years ago from my BodyTalk training.

Imagine a prey animal like a deer. It is eating grass when a tiger leaps at it. The deer’s fight or flight activates. It races away. If it outruns the tiger, once it’s safe, it shakes its body and resumes eating. The act of shaking releases tension after a life-threatening event.

When humans go through an anxiety attack, our fight or flight mechanism also activates. Our hearts beat fast. Our breathing becomes shallow. Blood goes to the muscles instead of the brain, so we stop thinking logically.

However, since we are almost always under chronic stress, we never get to the point where we shake things off. Instead, we turn around and think things like “Why me?” or “Why did this happen to me?” These negative thoughts continually feed the stress and the anxiety.

So, next time you feel overwhelmed, literally shake it off. It’s a very small thing to do, but it’s very effective. 

If you want to learn more tried-and-tested self-coaching techniques, get The Anxiety Relief Handbook

Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining Seeing the silver lining

Seeing The Silver Lining During Difficult Times

Seeing the silver lining
Photo courtesy of Riccardo Mion Unsplash

Seeing The Silver Lining during Difficult Times

How often do we see the gift and blessings that come out of difficult times? Seeing The Silver Lining during Difficult Times

The proverb, “Every cloud has a silver lining,” can be traced back to at least the early 17th Century. It reminds us that difficult times do pass and something positive to be found in negative situations.


Life can be so challenging. When we are in the midst of tough times, it is easy to be engulfed by the feelings it evokes and the often negative meanings we ascribe to it. 


Although we know that things will pass with time, it is important to feel and experience the depth of what we are going through. Otherwise, we are just band-aiding the pain that needs to be healed, and it will continue to rise until we do finally deal with it.

 

Looking back at some of the most difficult times in my life,
I realise they were times that I experienced the most profound growth.
They moved me into greater faith, peace and happiness.


Although the pain was great, it allowed me to make difficult decisions that I had been avoiding. I was able to face finally, stop and listen to what my heart was telling me.

Seeing the silver lining
Difficult Roads Often Lead To Beautiful Destinations Photo by Dave Hoefler-Unsplash


I often experienced a 180-degree turn in my understanding, in my courage, in my feelings of worthiness, which led me to see opportunities in a new light.

 

I do believe in a Universe that happens for you, not to you, and that it is happening for your Spirit’s growth and expansion even when it seems as though this can’t be so. This faith belief has become easier with age and experience. It allows me to relax and stop trying to control things because, of course, this is impossible and only leads to more pain and anxiety.

 

‘Let Go Let God’ is the classic saying and action that allows you to rest in this place.

 

My love to you if you are on that difficult road right now, and I pray you can experience the silver lining soon.

 

Have you ever experienced something exceptionally positive that came directly from a difficult time? I’d love to hear a bit about your story. Please share in the comments below.

 


WANT TO REPRINT THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR BLOG OR EZINE?
You may reprint this so long as you include the entire unedited article, including this footer. ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren is an uplifter and wellness and wealth coach who uses therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’

I am passionate about transforming the lives of entrepreneurs and professionals who care a lot,  who give tirelessly, look good on paper, and still doubt themselves.

It’s time to stop the self-doubt, the anxiety, letting fear hold you back. Stop hiding and playing small so that you can claim your self-worth, stand in your confidence, authority and value and receive abundant wealth, love and appreciation.

Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren.

Join me for my FREE Masterclass … How Over Giving Robs You The Wealth & Love You Deserve

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The 5 Most Important Steps to Self-Forgiveness

Live your extraordinary life through the act of self-forgiveness.

Self-forgiveness the key to more peace and joy

By being courageous through vulnerability and seeing our shame, we lessen our hold over ourselves. When we choose to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings, we liberate ourselves from the bonds of our past and open the door to a new future.

 

 

 

 

Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed and most of all worthy of Love. – Alison Malee 

Becoming self-loving is a journey. A continuous journey. I am on this journey.

And what I have discovered is, the more accepting and forgiving I am to myself, the freer I become.

I can be free to be me! It starts with Self.

Self-Forgiveness

The journey to self-forgiveness starts with an understanding and tolerance that, yes, you have imperfections; you have made mistakes, you are at times inadequate, emotional, highly strung, have fears that stop you in your tracks so on.

And we all do! Understanding this is to know you are human!

Self Forgiveness is a Gift

And the more I have given myself the gift of self-forgiveness, the more I realise that there is nothing to forgive.

The truth is I am human, I am flawed, and at the same time, I am a magnificent being of love, loving, and I am loved.

Sometimes, it isn’t easy to forgive your missteps. You feel bad when you’ve let yourself or someone else down. But one day, you must allow the sun to shine again. Has it been challenging to do that?

 


This 5-step process can help you forgive yourself and move
on with your life:

  1. Confront your mistake.

    In all circumstances, take responsibility for your error. Come face to face with it and acknowledge where you stumbled. As painful as it might be, this is the first step to forgiving yourself.

    • It’s sometimes helpful to look in the mirror and say aloud what you did. It connects you with the action. It also helps you realise that it’s okay to make mistakes.
    • Seeking help from a therapist may help if the first option doesn’t do the trick. Talking to someone else may help you release feelings that are tied down inside. Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or tapping is a useful evidence-based tool to reduce the stress you feel and help you see things from another perspective. It also promotes self-kindness and compassion.
    • Do your own Personal Peace Procedure.  The Personal Peace Procedure is an exercise for using EFT to make peace with what happened to you in the past.
  2. Analyse the impact. Take a moment to reflect on the outcome of your actions.

    Who has been affected? How badly were you or others hurt? Take it all at face value, and avoid embellishing it with extreme emotion.

    • Take the time to consider the impact outside of what you initially see. It’s sometimes easy to overlook the smaller effect when the greater one is overwhelming.
  3. Accept your human imperfections.

    Above all, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re human. There’s nobody on the face of the earth who goes through life without making mistakes. However, it’s important to remember that this doesn’t excuse what happened.

    • While accepting your human imperfections, take the time to identify your shortcomings. Use the opportunity to work on aspects of yourself that you might want to improve. Perhaps you’d like to develop certain character traits further or strengthen your skills in particular areas.
    • When apologising to yourself and others, you can point out that everybody makes mistakes, but you’ve learned from yours and have every intention of not repeating it.
  4. Challenge yourself to do better. The crucial final step to self-forgiveness is challenging yourself to do better.

    In the previous step, you accepted your imperfections. Now it’s time to work at fixing the things you can.

    • Is it that you need to learn to be kinder to others? You can work on that through conscious effort or group therapy.
    • Try not to repeat the same mistake. That’s one of the easiest ways to backslide and end up at square one again. However, in saying that and depending upon what error you are learning from, you may make it again. And that’s okay, keep being kind and compassionate, remember it is a journey!
    • Ask your supportive friends and family to help you on your journey. Remember that no man is an island.
  5. Use Tools to Support You.

    There are many resources easily accessible and available that can help you with this journey. I love finding beautiful prayers and mantras that harness the essence of what I am embodying into my life. Read them and speak them every morning for at least six weeks, they can transform you.

Here are some Tools I Use

In her book Illuminata: A Return to Prayer, Marianne Williamson has many prayers dedicated to clearing up the past.
Here’s one that I loved:

Dear God
Please accept my past and take
my future
Transform them both through the miracle of Your power into energies of love and love only.
May I know the present as You would have me see it.
May I only see You in everyone and everything
That I might be dazzled by the light, lifted up by the light and made new by the light.
Release me from my past and deliver me to my future
In You I trust, nothing else is real.
In You I have faith, nothing else has power.
And so that is that, I am where I belong, and I will strive for nothing.
I am home; may I feel this and be at peace.
For I would rob myself no longer through my vain imaginings and tormented thoughts.
You are my life.
You are here and now.
Amen.

 

And this one is from Tosha Silver author of Change Me Prayers: The Hidden Power of Spiritual Surrender. It is about being able to receive and has a powerful message of acceptance and forgiveness. When we forgive ourselves, we feel worthy and deserving and open to receive everything that life has to offer.

 

Please change me Divine Beloved into One who can feel wildly open to receiving.
Let me know my own value, beauty, and worthiness without question.
Let me allow others the supreme pleasure of giving to me.
Let me feel worthy to receive in every possible way.
Change me into One who can fully love, forgive, and accept myself so that I may carry Your light without restriction.
Let everything that needs to go, go.
Let everything that needs to come, come.
I am utterly Your own.
You are Me.
I am You.
We are One.
All is well.

 

Making things right might not happen overnight. What’s important is that you forgive yourself and commit to turning things around.

You’re full of so much potential. That potential sits unused while you consume yourself with guilt and negative energy. Lift yourself up! Come to terms with the fact that you have so much more to give to the world. Chip away at the negativity until all that’s left is your renewed spirit.

 

EXCLUSIVE INVITE  to the next How to Amplify Your Self-Forgiveness and Kindle the Seeds of Self-Love with your Personal Peace Procedure. 
Secure your spot on the waiting list for the next Personal Peace Procedure Masterclass!




Personal Peace Procedure Masterclass

 

Be you, love you. All ways, always. – Alexandra Elle

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Christmas Stress or Christmas Joy? Top 9 Ways to Have the Best Christmas Holidays Ever

 

The Christmas holiday season is already upon us. And with it comes the hope that this one will be magical especially after the year that we have had!

Although this is a time for love and connection with family and friends, singing carols and connecting deeply spiritually. It is also a time for celebrating and reflecting on achievements and learnings, that this year has brought; I find as always that it sneaks 🧐 in or perhaps more precisely comes flying in on me.

 

Many of us quickly get bogged down in busyness, stress and old patterns.

This morning I decided to do something different, to honestly identify the negative self-talk and limiting beliefs that I have leading up to Christmas. This is so that I can choose to do something different this year.
These are just a few examples of ‘worries’ that I uncovered:
  • Wanting to balance time between work, rest and play.
  • Feeling that I am too busy, too tired, that there is too much preparation.
  • Deciding on what presents to buy for my loved ones.
  • Spending money that feels tight and wanting to be more generous than I am.
  • Eating and drinking too much at Christmas and New Year’s and putting on extra weight.
Do you relate to these? Do you have other ones too?

 

Get Clear and Choose Differently 

Give yourself a moment to become really clear on what it is that stresses you about this holiday season. There is so much more peace in awareness because then you can choose to do something different.

 

Here are 9 ways to turn that dynamic around and create the magic.

  • 1. Give yourself a break. Perfection—even perfect happiness—just isn’t possible. Let your best be good enough. Make a budget for both your time and your money—and stick to it. It really is the thought that counts.
  • 2. Make conscious decisions. Get clear about what you really want to do over the holidays before compromising with others. If you don’t have a clear plan and clear intentions, you might find yourself getting swept along by others’ desires. Even if you compromise later, get clear first.
  • 3. Shorten your to-do list. What do the holidays mean to you? For many, it’s about family and friends and spirituality. If an item doesn’t add to your holiday spirit, scratch it off.
  • 4. Say no when you want to. It’s very liberating. Try it and see. It sounds simple, but too often obligation trumps desire. When faced with options, choose the one that would make you happier. If you can’t avoid certain events, limit the time you’re there.
  • 5. Take good care of yourself. The old standards help keep stress at bay: eat healthfully, exercise, drink lots of water, and breathe deeply. Schedule time for relaxation and fun.
  • 6. Start early. To avoid a last-minute frenzy that can bust your budget, start shopping or making presents now. I think I missed this one this year!!! 
  • 7. Ask for help. Reject any notion of martyrdom. The burden of preparations should not fall upon one person. The more specific you are in your request, the more successful you’ll be.
  • 8. Establish new traditions. If you have experienced a major life-changing event, such as a death or divorce, consider doing something you’ve never done before over the holidays, such as travel to another country or take a cruise
  • 9. Get support. If a glorious holiday season feels completely out of reach, you may experience the holiday blues. Many people do. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling that way. Reach out for the support you need.

Call me on +61 409 1715 77

Email me: [email protected]

And have an Extraordinary Christmas Holiday Season.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field. Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed of; ‘An Extraordinary Life.’ Visit www.laurenbell.com.au to learn more about Lauren and her work.