Coaching Archives - Lauren Bell

It’s Time to Drop the Perfectionism

It’s Time to Drop the Perfectionism

Do you hold yourself to high standards for everything? If so, you’re not alone. Most gifted people strive for perfection.

 

But what if inflexible standards are slowing you down and holding you back?

 

There’s evidence that constant perfectionism can get in the way of a happy and productive life.
It’s connected to procrastination, low productivity, and depression.

 

We set unrealistic goals that we can’t achieve, or  which makes us difficult to be around, and downright mean and nasty to ourselves.

 

More often than not, continual high standards aren’t needed for us to succeed in life. Think about people like Einstein, Oprah, Donald Trump, Walt Disney and Bill Gates. These famously accomplished people have reported that they owe their achievements to their unstoppable nature and willingness to make mistakes.

Recognise when high standards are necessary.

The trick is to recognise when high standards are necessary and when they actually get in the way of innovation, efficiency and fulfilment. Getting to the place of good enough on most tasks and projects allows us to get more done without compromising quality.

 

This open-minded approach allows for creativity, innovation and fun.

 

Freedom from perfection starts with flexibility, compassion and faith in self. Remember that you are good enough as you are. You are intrinsically valuable.

 

The next time you notice that you’re driving yourself hard, procrastinating on projects or tasks, or feeling self-critical about your accomplishments, ask yourself:

“Am I holding myself to standards that aren’t needed in these circumstances?”

“What would good enough look and feel like?”

 

Breathe. Open up your heart and mind. Think flexibly about your project or task and let your standards relax. Try the “good enough approach”.

 

After all done is better than perfect for your day to day tasks and reserve your high standards for rare and special circumstances. You’ll not only get more done, you’ll also feel motivated to do more!

 

 And take on board for yourself this anonymous but very wise quote, “The word ‘Imperfect’ actually spells ‘I’m perfect’ because everyone is perfect in their own imperfect ways.” 

Practical Tips to Overcome Anxiety

Practical Tips to Overcome Anxiety

Anxiety. Stress. Overwhelm. Burnout. 

Anxiety, stress, overwhelm, burnout. These words have different meanings and levels. Yet, people use them interchangeably because they refer to situations when your energy is depleted, and you feel trapped.

What if I tell you that you can reframe these negative feelings into a more empowering language?

Biochemically, our bodies release the same chemicals whether we are excited or scared. So, it’s a matter of reframing the labels and diagnoses we put on what we experience.

Here are some tips for you to do that.

Recognise the symptoms

Have you ever woken up at 3:00 a.m. and you can’t go back to sleep because your mind engages in a thinking loop of would’ve, could’ve and should’ve? Perhaps you have many things to do, or you are worried about something.

Even as a coach, I still suffer from these symptoms. However, I now know how to recognise them for what they are. When I do, I can start to do something about it. Perhaps write my thoughts down or do some tapping or deep breathing.

Focus on the body

Everything is a vibration, and your body vibrates slower than your thoughts and emotions.

So, bring your awareness back down to the body; it literally will slow you down.

When you focus on the inner sensations in the body, they can take you out of your spinning energy and ground you in the present, bringing you to a heightened state of being.

What is your body feeling?

Is it the weight of your bottom on your chair? Notice your feet on the ground. Is it your heart beating? Perhaps you can even hear the sound of your blood as it travels throughout your body. Does your whole body feel tight? Or is it open and loose?

There is no right or wrong feeling. Everything you are noticing is okay. 

When you are ready, you can wriggle your fingers and toes to bring you back to the room. 

Breathe

One effective method to instantly focus on the body is to do some deep breathing. Yet, a lot of people forget about it.

So if you start to feel anxious, overwhelmed, or stressed, take a deep breath. It has to be so deep that it fills the bases of your lungs. 

Allow your belly to expand. Then purse your lips and let the air out slowly.

Most of the time, it’s hard to start breathing as deeply as you want to. Try to count to two at first. Inhale, count 1-2, exhale. As you get into a rhythm, increase the count to four.

Thank your body

We wouldn’t be here without our bodies. So, give yours some thanks and gratitude for being here with you and giving you this human experience.

If you manage to complete your deep breathing exercise, give yourself an internal high five or pat on the back for dropping into your body and giving yourself some care and attention. 

Let your feelings come up and out

Many of us push down our feelings. Doing so becomes exhausting, and the trapped emotions explode during an inappropriate moment. Your partner says something, and you suddenly lash out.

To avoid such a situation, don’t fight the emotions as they rise up. Breathe deeply and feel them come up, expand and dissipate. If you need to cry, do so. You will feel so much better afterwards.

What’s great about deep breathing is you can do it anywhere. If you suffer from professional anxiety, go to the bathroom and take a breathing break. 

Practise mindfulness

Acknowledge that you are in a tough mental, emotional and physical situation. 

We all have times when things are hard, and it’s quite normal. Breathe and deal with it. Then, later on when you’re at home, allow yourself to examine what happened through questions like:

  • What was going on at the time?
  • What was I thinking?
  • What did I make it mean?

Don’t judge the answers you get. 

Through this exercise, you safely unpack the situation and your feelings and understand yourself a lot more. 

As part of mindfulness, remember:

You are valued. You are worth it. You are a unique, needed, amazing, beautiful being, an essential part of this world. 

If you want to be part of a group of people who know your value, join my Facebook group Heart Centred Professionals: Seeking More Love, More Wealth and More Confidence. It’s a safe place for people who are heart centred, care for others yet want to embrace their inner selves.

Why You Need Coaches and Coaching

Why You Need Coaches and Coaching

My whole career has been about my love of health and wellness, and helping people to be the best they can be. Even as a health and healing professional, though, I went through my own burnout journey. 

My advantage was that I understood what was going on in my world, what I was responsible for, and what I could and could not change. 

So, I left that particular workplace and finished a counselling postgrad that I was undertaking. 

These actions led me into coaching. 

All of us have that something that we just cannot get on top of. It is that something that we know can move us from the ordinary to the extraordinary. Coaching was this “something” for me.

Coaches and coaching

Athletes have coaches that bring the best out of their potential. The principle is the same for all types of coaches. 

We are the experts in our own lives. The answers are inside us, but limiting beliefs or past trauma block us. Having a coach allows us to see or blind spots. 

A coach asks thought-provoking questions so you can move forward safely and get the answers yourself. The process helps to recognise your inner critical thinking, and then moving you into empowerment. 

A coach and a client may have to do some work to heal, understand or reframe things. For example, you want to be successful, but at the same time you fear extra responsibility or that you need to work harder, or you are scared that a new job will take you away from your family.

Unlike traditional therapy coaching focuses on making you accept where you are now because you are perfect as you are. This is a great place to start discovering your potential and opportunity for growth and greatness.

Coaching also touches on self-compassion. You learn why you react in certain ways. When you discover the reason behind your reaction, then you can start forgiving yourself. This is just so freeing. You can give yourself what you have been looking outside from others to do for you. And it’s from this place of self-fullness that you can give and serve those you care for without feeling depleted. 

There is also the aspect of accountability. When you tell someone else that you are going to do something, you put power behind your words. Your coach can then help you be accountable for them and you get the results. 

Self-coaching

One advantage of coaching over therapy is self-coaching.

It is the ability to ask the right questions of yourself without judgment. You empower yourself to feel differently about things and accept whatever the answers may be.

As human beings, we all have feelings. This is normal. Yet, we don’t like many of them. We don’t like feeling sad, being in grief or being angry. We have been taught not to feel them even if they’re normal parts of being human.

When you embrace and allow these emotions to come up in a safe way, you no longer need to defend yourself, so you have more ability to be fully expressed. You can get with the flow of these emotions and permit yourself to be who you are, and that is freeing. 

When you stop limiting yourself and allow yourself to be more authentic, your joy is revealed. You own who you are in a respectful way because you develop inner confidence and authority. You become the expert in your life, and what’s going on for you is right. 

 

Professional Anxiety

Besides emotions, people often experience periods of professional anxiety.

However, through coaching, you can alleviate the signs and symptoms of this condition.

In very simple terms, professional anxiety describes anxiety that you feel in the workplace. However, when you dive deep, it becomes more complicated. It could be related to each of these elements or a combination of them:

  • The work itself
  • A toxic environment
  • The relationships you have with colleagues
  • Your personal tendency to judge, doubt or hold yourself back

If you have professional anxiety, you will always feel you are not good enough for a promotion, even if you might actually be overqualified for a higher position. You worry that your performance is never good enough or doesn’t meet your expectations or ideals. You won’t even go for the role, or perhaps you do but you bring that energy of self-doubt with you. 

My professional anxiety triggered my burnout journey. I felt that I had reached the top of my pay level and had no other way of earning more money, except to do more work. 

So, I worked harder, took on more shifts. I was constantly exhausted and not taking care of myself. My anxiety kept building because I was over giving and overdoing things. I felt like I was doing nothing well. 

In addition, I had this compulsion to ‘fix’ other people’s problems and make them feel better. I now understand that this is impossible, but the need came because of my empathic and sensitive nature. Although these are all good qualities, I absorbed too much of other people’s sensations and feelings. 

I took on everyone else’s problems. I reached a point where the line between my condition and everyone else’s blurred.

If you resonate with my experience, you know it is such an overwhelming burden. 

 

Healthy Boundaries

You need to create healthy boundaries between what’s your responsibility and what’s not yours. 

That’s the whole point. You need to stay in your own lane even if it’s not easy. Once you understand more and recognise that it’s not doing you or the other person any good, then that’s where you can move into that empowered place and make a difference. 

As a certified Tapping into Wealth Coach, I use tapping (EFT) and mindfulness techniques to show my clients what is blocking them and where they are holding themselves back from getting to where they wish to be.

At the heart of what I do is the person. This is why I named my program “It Starts With Me.”

Together, I help my clients do the inside work so that their outer world changes. It truly is transformational. 

To learn more or to schedule your FREE 30-minute Wealth Breakthrough session, contact me.