Live your extraordinary life through the act of self-forgiveness.
By being courageous through vulnerability and seeing our shame, we lessen our hold over ourselves. When we choose to forgive ourselves for our mistakes and shortcomings, we liberate ourselves from the bonds of our past and open the door to a new future.
Choose everyday to forgive yourself. You are human, flawed and most of all worthy of Love. – Alison Malee
Becoming self-loving is a journey. A continuous journey. I am on this journey.
And what I have discovered is, the more accepting and forgiving I am to myself, the freer I become.
I can be free to be me! It starts with Self.
The journey to self-forgiveness starts with an understanding and tolerance that, yes, you have imperfections; you have made mistakes, you are at times inadequate, emotional, highly strung, have fears that stop you in your tracks so on.
And we all do! Understanding this is to know you are human!
Self Forgiveness is a Gift
And the more I have given myself the gift of self-forgiveness, the more I realise that there is nothing to forgive.
The truth is I am human, I am flawed, and at the same time, I am a magnificent being of love, loving, and I am loved.
Sometimes, it isn’t easy to forgive your missteps. You feel bad when you’ve let yourself or someone else down. But one day, you must allow the sun to shine again. Has it been challenging to do that?
This 5-step process can help you forgive yourself and move on with your life:
Confront your mistake.
In all circumstances, take responsibility for your error. Come face to face with it and acknowledge where you stumbled. As painful as it might be, this is the first step to forgiving yourself.
- It’s sometimes helpful to look in the mirror and say aloud what you did. It connects you with the action. It also helps you realise that it’s okay to make mistakes.
- Seeking help from a therapist may help if the first option doesn’t do the trick. Talking to someone else may help you release feelings that are tied down inside. Using Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), or tapping is a useful evidence-based tool to reduce the stress you feel and help you see things from another perspective. It also promotes self-kindness and compassion.
- Do your own Personal Peace Procedure. The Personal Peace Procedure is an exercise for using EFT to make peace with what happened to you in the past.
Analyse the impact. Take a moment to reflect on the outcome of your actions.
Who has been affected? How badly were you or others hurt? Take it all at face value, and avoid embellishing it with extreme emotion.
- Take the time to consider the impact outside of what you initially see. It’s sometimes easy to overlook the smaller effect when the greater one is overwhelming.
Accept your human imperfections.
Above all, be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that you’re human. There’s nobody on the face of the earth who goes through life without making mistakes. However, it’s important to remember that this doesn’t excuse what happened.
- While accepting your human imperfections, take the time to identify your shortcomings. Use the opportunity to work on aspects of yourself that you might want to improve. Perhaps you’d like to develop certain character traits further or strengthen your skills in particular areas.
- When apologising to yourself and others, you can point out that everybody makes mistakes, but you’ve learned from yours and have every intention of not repeating it.
Challenge yourself to do better. The crucial final step to self-forgiveness is challenging yourself to do better.
In the previous step, you accepted your imperfections. Now it’s time to work at fixing the things you can.
- Is it that you need to learn to be kinder to others? You can work on that through conscious effort or group therapy.
- Try not to repeat the same mistake. That’s one of the easiest ways to backslide and end up at square one again. However, in saying that and depending upon what error you are learning from, you may make it again. And that’s okay, keep being kind and compassionate, remember it is a journey!
Ask your supportive friends and family to help you on your journey. Remember that no man is an island.
Use Tools to Support You.
There are many resources easily accessible and available that can help you with this journey. I love finding beautiful prayers and mantras that harness the essence of what I am embodying into my life. Read them and speak them every morning for at least six weeks, they can transform you.
Here are some Tools I Use
In her book Illuminata: A Return to Prayer, Marianne Williamson has many prayers dedicated to clearing up the past.
Here’s one that I loved:
Please accept my past and take
Transform them both through the miracle of Your power into energies of love and love only.
May I know the present as You would have me see it.
May I only see You in everyone and everything
That I might be dazzled by the light, lifted up by the light and made new by the light.
Release me from my past and deliver me to my future
In You I trust, nothing else is real.
In You I have faith, nothing else has power.
And so that is that, I am where I belong, and I will strive for nothing.
I am home; may I feel this and be at peace.
For I would rob myself no longer through my vain imaginings and tormented thoughts.
You are my life.
You are here and now.
And this one is from Tosha Silver author of Change Me Prayers: The Hidden Power of Spiritual Surrender. It is about being able to receive and has a powerful message of acceptance and forgiveness. When we forgive ourselves, we feel worthy and deserving and open to receive everything that life has to offer.
Please change me Divine Beloved into One who can feel wildly open to receiving.
Let me know my own value, beauty, and worthiness without question.
Let me allow others the supreme pleasure of giving to me.
Let me feel worthy to receive in every possible way.
Change me into One who can fully love, forgive, and accept myself so that I may carry Your light without restriction.
Let everything that needs to go, go.
Let everything that needs to come, come.
I am utterly Your own.
You are Me.
I am You.
We are One.
All is well.
Making things right might not happen overnight. What’s important is that you forgive yourself and commit to turning things around.
You’re full of so much potential. That potential sits unused while you consume yourself with guilt and negative energy. Lift yourself up! Come to terms with the fact that you have so much more to give to the world. Chip away at the negativity until all that’s left is your renewed spirit.
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Be you, love you. All ways, always. – Alexandra Elle
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