At this turning point in history, knowing deeply that we are all connected, ONE, allows us to relate more deeply and sense the connection with all hearts (all people, all creatures and Mother Earth).
For most of us, we know we are all part of something larger, part of the whole.
As Robert Smalley writes, “we are all in the oneness of God even though we don’t fully understand or know this. We are like the drops of water in the ocean and the ocean is God.”
Connectedness is the feeling of belonging, it is valuable and feels wonderful.
However, feeling connected comes with certain responsibilities.
If we are all part of a bigger picture then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves, we must not exploit others because we will be exploiting ourselves, we must not disrespect others because we will be disrespecting ourselves…
Knowing that I am connected makes me more considerate, caring, kind and loving and helps me to form quick deep connections and interactions with the people I’m with.
Applying this in your life will help you master the art of connection.
So what else is helpful?
The gift of paying attention is a fundamental key in transforming relationships.
Relationships can be turned around when the connection and interest in the other are truly sought after and valued.
The gift of paying attention to another is a gift for you too. And when you are the one receiving, you do truly understand its power.
One of the skills that is needed for connection is listening.
Learning to really listen is an active skill that takes awareness, practice and a desire to attend.
Top 10 Barriers to Connection
Connection takes effort, there are things to do and things not to do (that many of us do).
Here are the top 10 barriers that impact the connection in all of our relationships, whether they be intimate, family, friends, colleagues, bosses or acquaintances…and whether they are in agreement or in conflict.
A good example of this is when someone comes to us with a problem, it’s easy to lapse into behaviours that—although usually well-meaning—serve to block us from hearing the other person’s experience.
We’d be better off following the words of this back-the-front saying: “Don’t just do something; stand there”…and try not to:
1. Counsel. Seek not to advise solutions (until asked) but listen and reflect back the person’s experience.
2. Defend. When you explain, justify or rationalize, you invalidate the other’s experience. You can create a time to offer your experience, but for now, just listen.
3. Shut down. This happens in parenting when we say things like: “Stop crying. It’s not that bad.” Children are more likely to stop crying and will feel supported when they feel they’ve been heard.
4. One-up. Saying, “Oh, that’s nothing! Listen to what happened to me!” gives the message, “Your experience doesn’t count.”
5. Reassure. It’s OK, in fact it’s good for people to feel their feelings. When we try to console (“It’s not your fault; you did the best you could…”) we take people out of their feelings.
6. Pity. Sympathy and pity (“Oh, you poor thing!”) are very different from empathy, which is simply a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.
7. Commiserate. Sharing stories of your own similar experiences is not showing empathy; it turns the focus away from the person with the problem.
8. Correct. First listen. After the other person feels fully understood, then see about correcting any misunderstandings or inaccurate impressions.
9. Enlighten. Don’t attempt to educate unless your opinion is asked.
10. Interrogate. Too many questions distract from the feelings at hand.
Many of us have a mind that measures self-worth in terms of productivity…
We give ourselves no credit for just being present. And yet, if you asked the people you care about what they would like most from you, their answer is likely to be some version of ‘your presence,’ ‘your loving attention’.
—Jan Chozen Bays
WANT TO REPRINT THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR BLOG OR EZINE?
You may reprint this so long as you include the entire unedited article including this footer.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Lauren Bell helps nurses, healers and caring professionals who feel burnt out, stuck, angry and silenced to step up, stand out and be valued at the highest level in their field.
Passionate for holistic health and wellness – body, mind, and spirit, Lauren delivers high impact transformation with therapy, coaching and workshops to move you forward and live the life you dreamed because you do deserve more. More wealth, love, authentic self-expression. You deserve to ‘Love Your Extraordinary Life.’
Fill in the fields below for your complimentary
No Apologies! I DO Deserve More Toolkit, that includes:
- My Self-Assessment Quiz That Uncovers Your Giving and Receiving Quotient
- What You Must Know to Earn & Receive More Wealth, More Love, More Reward.